Decades of research on the science of happiness shows that there’s a big—and potentially life-altering—difference between what you think will make you happy and the things that actually do, argues University of California, Riverside psychology¹ professor Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, in her fascinating new book The Myths of Happiness.

加利福利亚大学教授 Sonja Lyubomirsky在她的新书《幸福的传说》中指出，根据长期关于幸福的科学研究发现，在你觉得可以让你幸福和实际让你幸福的事物之间有着巨大差异，这样的差异有可能改变你的生活。

Myth: The right marriage will provide endless happiness.

传说：正确的婚姻会带来无尽的幸福

Science says: The average person picks up a sizeable boost in happiness when he or she gets married, but this only lasts about two years. After that, the former newlywed reverts² back to his or her happiness level before the engagement.

科学表明：一般人在结婚时的幸福感会爆棚，但这只会持续2年左右。只会，新婚夫妇的幸福水准就会将回到结婚之前的水平。

Boost your bliss³: Delight in your partner’s good news. According to Lyubomirsky, “the closest, most intimate, and most trusting relationships appear to be distinguished⁴ not by how partners respond to each other’s disappointments, but how they react to the good news.” When your husband shares that he’s getting promoted, reacting with joy and asking enthusiastic questions signals that you care. Being silently supportive or pointing out downsides (“Oh, you’ll have to work on weekends?”) undermines happiness.

提升幸福度：为伴侣的好消息感到高兴。Lyubomirsky说“最亲密最紧密和信任度最高的关系，绝对不是靠伴侣间对对方失落时的回应体现出来的，而是他们对对方好消息时的态度。” 如果你丈夫说他升职了，不妨表现出你的喜悦，多问一下热情的问题表现出你的关心吧。沉默的回应或是指出不好的那一面（啊，那你岂不是周末要加班）只会降低幸福感。

Myth: Your “dream job” will make you happier at work than you currently are.

传说：你梦想的工作会让你在工作时比现在更开心

Science says: You adapt to all new experiences, and so any joy from a new work environment will likely fade with time. If you've gained responsibility, your expectations and aspirations⁵ will increase too, which can detract from happiness. One classic study tracked job satisfaction before and after a voluntary job change among high-level managers whose average salary was $135,000. Researchers found that managers experienced a burst of happiness right after the new job, but within a year, satisfaction plummeted⁶ to their pre-move levels.

科学表明：你已经适应了新环境，所以很多新环境带来的快乐也逐渐随着时间消失。如果你有足够的责任心，你的期望和雄心也会增加，这会减少幸福感。曾有一个经典研究，对平均薪资达到13万五千美金的高层经理人在换到心仪工作前后的满意度做过调查，结果发现刚换工作时他们的幸福感会爆棚，一年之后，就会降低到跳槽前的水平了。

Boost your bliss: To avoid taking a new job for granted, Lyubomirsky advises “re-experiencing” what it was you didn’t like about your previous work. If you used to make a lot less money, spend one week a month living on your old salary. If you worked nights, periodically make yourself stay at work late. Mentally transporting yourself to where you didn't want to be will help you find more happiness in your current role.

提高幸福度：不要把新工作当做理所当然，Lyubomirsky建议“不妨重新体验”你对之前工作不满的地方。如果你以前赚的比较少，那么就花一周时间花光原来的月薪。如果你总是加班很晚，那就定期让自己加会班。这种有意识的强迫自己做自己不想做的事情，可以帮助你在现任工作中找到更多的幸福。

Myth: A bigger salary makes you happier.

传说：薪资越高越幸福

Science says: What your friends, family members, and colleagues make relative to your salary seems to affect your happiness more than what you make, no matter how much it is. For example. Lyubomirsky describes one study that found people prefer to live in a world where they make $50,000 and others earn $25,000 than in one where their annual salary is $100,000, but others make $200,000.

科学表明：你的朋友，家庭成员以及同事的薪资似乎比你自己的薪资更加影响你的幸福度哦，这与金钱多少无关。比如Lyubomirsky描述了一个研究发现，人们都喜欢活在一个自己赚5万其他人赚2万5，而不是自己赚1万其他人赚2万的世界里。

Boost your bliss: One way to “buy” happiness is to use money to buy another limited resource: time. Paying people to do time-consuming chores (paint the house, fix the plumbing) allows you to spend your time doing other things that make you happy, such as spending time with your family, volunteering, and enjoying a show.

提升幸福度：“买”来幸福的一个方法就是拿钱去买无价之宝：时间。花钱请人来做一些费时间的琐事（粉刷屋子，修理水管），你就大可利用这些时间做别的事情来让自己开心起来，比如和家人在一起，做一些志愿者工作或是欣赏一次演出。

Myth: A bigger house will boost your happiness.

传说：大房子能提升幸福感

Science says: If that mega-square foot home means you have to take out a barely affordable⁷ mortgage, it may not give as much pleasure as you’d hope. Research shows that eliminating negative experiences (like, worry associated with debt) makes you three to five times more happy than creating a positive experience (like, splurging on something). According to Lyubomirsky, “pleasure from the house can’t come close to matching the pain and worry of eking⁸ out monthly mortgage payments.”

科学表明：如果那种大的房子意味着你需要贷款，也许就不能给你所希望的那么多幸福感了。然而，研究发现消除消极（比如担心还贷）会让你比乱花钱这样的事情多出三到五倍的幸福感哦。Lyubomirsky说：“房子所带来的满足感无法弥补每月超支消费的痛苦和担心。”

Boost your bliss: Research increasingly shows that experiences, not things, make us happy. And “it appears that the happiest people are those who are most skilled at wringing⁹ experiences out of everything in which they invest their money, whether it’s a guitar, a plane ticket, a camera, cake decorating lessons, or running shoes.” You’ll be happier with your material possessions when you make fun memories out of them—a road trip in a new car, a family party on your new deck.

提升幸福感：多数研究发现，是经历而非事件真正让我们开心。“似乎最开心的那些人就是最擅长把花钱干了什么都写出来的人，无论是买了把吉他，机票，相机，蛋糕课程还是跑步鞋。”一旦这些给你带来了快乐的回忆，那就能让你无比幸福了-比如开着新车旅行，或是在新的游艇上家庭聚会。

Myth: You’re happier after you reach a big goal.

传说：完成大目标之后会更加开心

Science says: Many studies show that people who are striving toward a goal are actually happier than when they accomplish it. This, Lyubomirsky writes, “contradicts one of the primary myths of happiness, which tells us to wait for happiness until we realize our dreams.” Pursuing goals gives us pleasure by creating structure, deadlines, and opportunities to learn new skills.

科学表明：很多调查发现很多人在奔着目标前进的过程，似乎比达到目标之后更加开心。Lyubomirsky写到：“有关幸福最原始的传说莫过于告诉我们要在实现梦想之后才会等来幸福，当然不是这样。”追求目标的过程也能给我们带来快乐，比如计划，最后期限以及寻找机会来学习新技能。

Boost your bliss: Savor¹⁰ every “subgoal” (performing well at an audition) you accomplish on the path to your bigger goal (becoming a Broadway actress). “Instead of focusing too much on the finish line in the first place, we should focus on—and enjoy as much as possible—carrying out the multiple steps necessary to make progress,” Lyubormirsky says.

提升幸福度：在通往大目标（成为百老汇女明星）的路上来享受每个“小目标”（试演表现出色）。“与其一开始就把注意力过多的放在终点——倒不如尽可能的去享受——把每一小步都看成是通往前方的必经之路吧。”Lyubormirsky说道。

Myth: Every day with your kids should be filled with happiness.

传说：和孩子们在一起的每一天都是幸福的

Science says: “In the last two decades, the family has undergone seismic¹¹ cultural shifts, and one such shift is the push to spend more time, and more quality time, with our children,” says Lyubomirsky. But this has led to chronic¹² levels of anxiety, can’t-keep-up perfectionism, and burnout. Research actually shows that there’s a difference between daily levels of happiness and the 10,000-foot view of the joy of having a family. While a number of studies that compare happiness and satisfaction levels of parents and nonparents find that parents are less happy, Lyubomirsky writes that when people are asked about their biggest regrets in life, not having children (or, more children) is bigger than having had them.

科学表明：Lyubomirsky说“在过去的四十年里，家庭有着巨大的文化转移，其中一个转变就是需要多花时间，更多宝贵的时间和孩子们在一起。” 但这也会带来周期性的焦虑、缺失感以及筋疲力尽。实际上研究发现拥有家庭的幸福和日程生活中的小幸福有着本质的差别。一系列的研究发现，在有孩子和没孩子的夫妻之间的幸福满足感中，有孩子的好像不那么幸福。 Lyubomirsky 说如果问人们生活中最后悔的事情是什么，没有要孩子（或者更多的孩子）似乎比要孩子更容易让人后悔。

Boost your bliss: See the big picture. Adults who looked back on their relationships with their children, suggest you ask yourself: “What are you doing to create lasting¹³, loving relationships with your children when they are 5? 10? or 15?” They advise you see your children providing continuity, meaning, attachment¹⁴, and greater purpose in life. You should also try to get away from your kids as you can; loving your children isn’t the same as loving parenting, especially when your kids are young.

提升幸福感：目光长远一些，大人们正透过孩子观察着自己的情感关系，你不妨也问问自己，“在孩子5岁，10岁和15岁的时候，你准备做什么来保持和孩子间持久的爱？” 他们会建议你需要给孩子持久有意义的关怀，以及人生中的目标。你也需要时不时远离孩子，爱孩子和爱父母不一样，尤其在孩子还小的时候。

Myth: A major crisis drains happiness more so than everyday annoyances¹⁵.

传说：大危机似乎比日程琐事更容易减少幸福

Science says: Although most of us believe that significant events, such as a car accident or a job layoff¹⁶, can affect your happiness more than daily hassles, it turns out that the mundane¹⁷ has a bigger impact. Researchers say this is because we’re extremely motivated to reach out to our community when we are coping with crises, but we don’t seek social support for little things, like a kid’s temper tantrum or a terrible commute¹⁸.

科学发现：我们大部分人都认为大事情，比如车祸或是失业会比日常琐事更容易影响你的幸福感，但实际上琐事影响才更大。研究者发现在处理危机时，我们总是积极寻求身边人的帮助，但一些琐事，比如小孩突然发脾气或是糟糕的交通则往往不需要动用我们的社会支持。

Boost your bliss: Address these seemingly small issues, counsels Lyubomirsky, by talking with friends, reframing events in a more positive light, or finding time to recharge and regenerate¹⁹.

提升幸福感：Lyubomirsky说，不妨把这些琐事都说出来，告诉朋友，或是在更积极的情况下看待这件事，或是找时间来调整修复一下吧。

Myth: Once you hit a certain age, your best years are behind you.

传说：一旦到了某个年纪，最好的年岁就没有了。

Science says: Although most people believe that happiness declines with age, Lyubomirsky says that this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Three recent studies showed that the peak of positive emotional experience occurred at age 64, 65, and 79. “When we begin to recognize that our years are limited, we change our perspective about life,” she writes. “The shorter time horizon motivates us to become more present-oriented and to invest our time and effort into the things in life that really matter.”

科学发现：尽管很多人认为幸福随着年龄的增长逐渐减少，Lyubomirsky说这绝对不是真的。近期三个研究发现人生最幸福的三个年龄点分别为64,65和79岁。“当我们意识到时间有限，我们就会改变对生命的看法。”“剩下来的时间越少就越会激励我们更加看重现在，然后去花时间和经历在真正重要的地方。”

Boost your bliss: Use your memories to boost—not detract from—your happiness. Research shows that people are happier when they relish²⁰ and luxuriate in the positive memories of happy past events, but don’t try to dissect²¹ the details too much. On the other hand, deliberately²² analyzing²³ painful memories (a bad breakup, a job layoff) to make sense of them and get past them increases happiness.

提升幸福度：用回忆来增加而不是减少幸福。研究发现在人们回想过去快乐积极的时光时会更加幸福，但也不要过多的去回想那些细节。另一方面，仔细分析痛苦的回忆（一次糟糕的分手，失业）来从中学习，好让自己迅速翻篇增加幸福感。

Decades of research on the science of happiness shows that there’s a big—and potentially life-altering—difference between what you think will make you happy and the things that actually do, argues University of California, Riverside psychology professor Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, in her fascinating new book The Myths of Happiness.

加利福利亚大学教授 Sonja Lyubomirsky在她的新书《幸福的传说》中指出，根据长期关于幸福的科学研究发现，在你觉得可以让你幸福和实际让你幸福的事物之间有着巨大差异，这样的差异有可能改变你的生活。

Myth: The right marriage will provide endless happiness.

传说：正确的婚姻会带来无尽的幸福

Science says: The average person picks up a sizeable boost in happiness when he or she gets married, but this only lasts about two years. After that, the former newlywed reverts back to his or her happiness level before the engagement.

科学表明：一般人在结婚时的幸福感会爆棚，但这只会持续2年左右。只会，新婚夫妇的幸福水准就会将回到结婚之前的水平。

Boost your bliss: Delight in your partner’s good news. According to Lyubomirsky, “the closest, most intimate, and most trusting relationships appear to be distinguished not by how partners respond to each other’s disappointments, but how they react to the good news.” When your husband shares that he’s getting promoted, reacting with joy and asking enthusiastic questions signals that you care. Being silently supportive or pointing out downsides (“Oh, you’ll have to work on weekends?”) undermines happiness.

提升幸福度：为伴侣的好消息感到高兴。Lyubomirsky说“最亲密最紧密和信任度最高的关系，绝对不是靠伴侣间对对方失落时的回应体现出来的，而是他们对对方好消息时的态度。” 如果你丈夫说他升职了，不妨表现出你的喜悦，多问一下热情的问题表现出你的关心吧。沉默的回应或是指出不好的那一面（啊，那你岂不是周末要加班）只会降低幸福感。

Myth: Your “dream job” will make you happier at work than you currently are.

传说：你梦想的工作会让你在工作时比现在更开心

Science says: You adapt to all new experiences, and so any joy from a new work environment will likely fade with time. If you've gained responsibility, your expectations and aspirations will increase too, which can detract from happiness. One classic study tracked job satisfaction before and after a voluntary job change among high-level managers whose average salary was $135,000. Researchers found that managers experienced a burst of happiness right after the new job, but within a year, satisfaction plummeted to their pre-move levels.

科学表明：你已经适应了新环境，所以很多新环境带来的快乐也逐渐随着时间消失。如果你有足够的责任心，你的期望和雄心也会增加，这会减少幸福感。曾有一个经典研究，对平均薪资达到13万五千美金的高层经理人在换到心仪工作前后的满意度做过调查，结果发现刚换工作时他们的幸福感会爆棚，一年之后，就会降低到跳槽前的水平了。

Boost your bliss: To avoid taking a new job for granted, Lyubomirsky advises “re-experiencing” what it was you didn’t like about your previous work. If you used to make a lot less money, spend one week a month living on your old salary. If you worked nights, periodically make yourself stay at work late. Mentally transporting yourself to where you didn't want to be will help you find more happiness in your current role.

提高幸福度：不要把新工作当做理所当然，Lyubomirsky建议“不妨重新体验”你对之前工作不满的地方。如果你以前赚的比较少，那么就花一周时间花光原来的月薪。如果你总是加班很晚，那就定期让自己加会班。这种有意识的强迫自己做自己不想做的事情，可以帮助你在现任工作中找到更多的幸福。

Myth: A bigger salary makes you happier.

传说：薪资越高越幸福

Science says: What your friends, family members, and colleagues make relative to your salary seems to affect your happiness more than what you make, no matter how much it is. For example. Lyubomirsky describes one study that found people prefer to live in a world where they make $50,000 and others earn $25,000 than in one where their annual salary is $100,000, but others make $200,000.

科学表明：你的朋友，家庭成员以及同事的薪资似乎比你自己的薪资更加影响你的幸福度哦，这与金钱多少无关。比如Lyubomirsky描述了一个研究发现，人们都喜欢活在一个自己赚5万其他人赚2万5，而不是自己赚1万其他人赚2万的世界里。

Boost your bliss: One way to “buy” happiness is to use money to buy another limited resource: time. Paying people to do time-consuming chores (paint the house, fix the plumbing) allows you to spend your time doing other things that make you happy, such as spending time with your family, volunteering, and enjoying a show.

提升幸福度：“买”来幸福的一个方法就是拿钱去买无价之宝：时间。花钱请人来做一些费时间的琐事（粉刷屋子，修理水管），你就大可利用这些时间做别的事情来让自己开心起来，比如和家人在一起，做一些志愿者工作或是欣赏一次演出。

Myth: A bigger house will boost your happiness.

传说：大房子能提升幸福感

Science says: If that mega-square foot home means you have to take out a barely affordable mortgage, it may not give as much pleasure as you’d hope. Research shows that eliminating negative experiences (like, worry associated with debt) makes you three to five times more happy than creating a positive experience (like, splurging on something). According to Lyubomirsky, “pleasure from the house can’t come close to matching the pain and worry of eking out monthly mortgage payments.”

科学表明：如果那种大的房子意味着你需要贷款，也许就不能给你所希望的那么多幸福感了。然而，研究发现消除消极（比如担心还贷）会让你比乱花钱这样的事情多出三到五倍的幸福感哦。Lyubomirsky说：“房子所带来的满足感无法弥补每月超支消费的痛苦和担心。”

Boost your bliss: Research increasingly shows that experiences, not things, make us happy. And “it appears that the happiest people are those who are most skilled at wringing experiences out of everything in which they invest their money, whether it’s a guitar, a plane ticket, a camera, cake decorating lessons, or running shoes.” You’ll be happier with your material possessions when you make fun memories out of them—a road trip in a new car, a family party on your new deck.

提升幸福感：多数研究发现，是经历而非事件真正让我们开心。“似乎最开心的那些人就是最擅长把花钱干了什么都写出来的人，无论是买了把吉他，机票，相机，蛋糕课程还是跑步鞋。”一旦这些给你带来了快乐的回忆，那就能让你无比幸福了-比如开着新车旅行，或是在新的游艇上家庭聚会。

Myth: You’re happier after you reach a big goal.

传说：完成大目标之后会更加开心

Science says: Many studies show that people who are striving toward a goal are actually happier than when they accomplish it. This, Lyubomirsky writes, “contradicts one of the primary myths of happiness, which tells us to wait for happiness until we realize our dreams.” Pursuing goals gives us pleasure by creating structure, deadlines, and opportunities to learn new skills.

科学表明：很多调查发现很多人在奔着目标前进的过程，似乎比达到目标之后更加开心。Lyubomirsky写到：“有关幸福最原始的传说莫过于告诉我们要在实现梦想之后才会等来幸福，当然不是这样。”追求目标的过程也能给我们带来快乐，比如计划，最后期限以及寻找机会来学习新技能。

Boost your bliss: Savor every “subgoal” (performing well at an audition) you accomplish on the path to your bigger goal (becoming a Broadway actress). “Instead of focusing too much on the finish line in the first place, we should focus on—and enjoy as much as possible—carrying out the multiple steps necessary to make progress,” Lyubormirsky says.

提升幸福度：在通往大目标（成为百老汇女明星）的路上来享受每个“小目标”（试演表现出色）。“与其一开始就把注意力过多的放在终点——倒不如尽可能的去享受——把每一小步都看成是通往前方的必经之路吧。”Lyubormirsky说道。

Myth: Every day with your kids should be filled with happiness.

传说：和孩子们在一起的每一天都是幸福的

Science says: “In the last two decades, the family has undergone seismic cultural shifts, and one such shift is the push to spend more time, and more quality time, with our children,” says Lyubomirsky. But this has led to chronic levels of anxiety, can’t-keep-up perfectionism, and burnout. Research actually shows that there’s a difference between daily levels of happiness and the 10,000-foot view of the joy of having a family. While a number of studies that compare happiness and satisfaction levels of parents and nonparents find that parents are less happy, Lyubomirsky writes that when people are asked about their biggest regrets in life, not having children (or, more children) is bigger than having had them.

科学表明：Lyubomirsky说“在过去的四十年里，家庭有着巨大的文化转移，其中一个转变就是需要多花时间，更多宝贵的时间和孩子们在一起。” 但这也会带来周期性的焦虑、缺失感以及筋疲力尽。实际上研究发现拥有家庭的幸福和日程生活中的小幸福有着本质的差别。一系列的研究发现，在有孩子和没孩子的夫妻之间的幸福满足感中，有孩子的好像不那么幸福。 Lyubomirsky 说如果问人们生活中最后悔的事情是什么，没有要孩子（或者更多的孩子）似乎比要孩子更容易让人后悔。

Boost your bliss: See the big picture. Adults who looked back on their relationships with their children, suggest you ask yourself: “What are you doing to create lasting, loving relationships with your children when they are 5? 10? or 15?” They advise you see your children providing continuity, meaning, attachment, and greater purpose in life. You should also try to get away from your kids as you can; loving your children isn’t the same as loving parenting, especially when your kids are young.

提升幸福感：目光长远一些，大人们正透过孩子观察着自己的情感关系，你不妨也问问自己，“在孩子5岁，10岁和15岁的时候，你准备做什么来保持和孩子间持久的爱？” 他们会建议你需要给孩子持久有意义的关怀，以及人生中的目标。你也需要时不时远离孩子，爱孩子和爱父母不一样，尤其在孩子还小的时候。

Myth: A major crisis drains happiness more so than everyday annoyances.

传说：大危机似乎比日程琐事更容易减少幸福

Science says: Although most of us believe that significant events, such as a car accident or a job layoff, can affect your happiness more than daily hassles, it turns out that the mundane has a bigger impact. Researchers say this is because we’re extremely motivated to reach out to our community when we are coping with crises, but we don’t seek social support for little things, like a kid’s temper tantrum or a terrible commute.

科学发现：我们大部分人都认为大事情，比如车祸或是失业会比日常琐事更容易影响你的幸福感，但实际上琐事影响才更大。研究者发现在处理危机时，我们总是积极寻求身边人的帮助，但一些琐事，比如小孩突然发脾气或是糟糕的交通则往往不需要动用我们的社会支持。

Boost your bliss: Address these seemingly small issues, counsels Lyubomirsky, by talking with friends, reframing events in a more positive light, or finding time to recharge and regenerate.

提升幸福感：Lyubomirsky说，不妨把这些琐事都说出来，告诉朋友，或是在更积极的情况下看待这件事，或是找时间来调整修复一下吧。

Myth: Once you hit a certain age, your best years are behind you.

传说：一旦到了某个年纪，最好的年岁就没有了。

Science says: Although most people believe that happiness declines with age, Lyubomirsky says that this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Three recent studies showed that the peak of positive emotional experience occurred at age 64, 65, and 79. “When we begin to recognize that our years are limited, we change our perspective about life,” she writes. “The shorter time horizon motivates us to become more present-oriented and to invest our time and effort into the things in life that really matter.”

科学发现：尽管很多人认为幸福随着年龄的增长逐渐减少，Lyubomirsky说这绝对不是真的。近期三个研究发现人生最幸福的三个年龄点分别为64,65和79岁。“当我们意识到时间有限，我们就会改变对生命的看法。”“剩下来的时间越少就越会激励我们更加看重现在，然后去花时间和经历在真正重要的地方。”

Boost your bliss: Use your memories to boost—not detract from—your happiness. Research shows that people are happier when they relish and luxuriate in the positive memories of happy past events, but don’t try to dissect the details too much. On the other hand, deliberately analyzing painful memories (a bad breakup, a job layoff) to make sense of them and get past them increases happiness.

提升幸福度：用回忆来增加而不是减少幸福。研究发现在人们回想过去快乐积极的时光时会更加幸福，但也不要过多的去回想那些细节。另一方面，仔细分析痛苦的回忆（一次糟糕的分手，失业）来从中学习，好让自己迅速翻篇增加幸福感。