He tipped his drink to me and took a sip¹. He lit a cigarette, one of the unfiltered Pakistani cigarettes he and Baba were always smoking. “Did I ever tell you I was almost married once?”

他朝我举举杯，喝了一口。他点起一根香烟，没有过滤嘴的巴基斯坦香烟，他和爸爸总是抽这种。“我有没有告诉过你我差点就结婚了?”

“Really?” I said, smiling a little at the notion of Rahim Khan getting married. I’d always thought of him as Baba’s quiet alter ego², my writing mentor³, my pal⁴, the one who never forgot to bring me a souvenir, a saughat, when he returned from a trip abroad. But a husband? A father?

“真的吗?”我说，想到拉辛汗也结婚，不由微微笑着。我一直当他是爸爸寡言的知交，我的写作导师，我的朋友，当他是那个每次到国外旅行总不忘给我买点小礼物的人。但是丈夫?父亲?

He nodded. “It’s true. I was eighteen. Her name was Homaira. She was a Hazara, the daughter of our neighbor’s servants. She was as beautiful as a pari, light brown hair, big hazel eyes... she had this laugh... I can still hear it sometimes.” He twirled his glass. “We used to meet secretly in my father’s apple orchards⁵, always after midnight when everyone had gone to sleep. We’d walk under the trees and I’d hold her hand... Am I embarrassing you, Amir jan?”

他点点头:“真的。那年我十八岁。她的名字叫荷麦拉。她是哈扎拉人，我家邻居仆人的女儿。她像仙女一样好看，淡棕色的头发，褐色的大眼睛……她总是这样笑……我有时还能听到她的笑声。”他晃晃酒杯，“我们经常在我父亲的苹果园里幽会，总是在夜阑人静的时候。我们在树下聊天，我拉着她的手……我让你不好意思了吗，阿米尔?”

“A little,” I said.

“有一点点。”我说。

“It won’t kill you,” he said, taking another puff⁶. “Anyway, we had this fantasy. We’d have a great, fancy wedding and invite family and friends from Kabul to Kandahar. I would build us a big house, white with a tiled patio⁷ and large windows. We would plant fruit trees in the garden and grow all sorts of flowers, have a lawn for our kids to play on. On Fridays, after _namaz_ at the mosque⁸, everyone would get together at our house for lunch and we’d eat in the garden, under cherry trees, drink fresh water from the well. Then tea with candy as we watched our kids play with their cousins...”

“那对你无害的，”他说，又喝了一口。“不管怎样，我们有着这样的幻想。我们会有一个盛大的、梦幻般的婚礼，从坎大哈和喀布尔请亲朋好友来参加。我会给我们盖一座大房子，白色的，露台铺着瓷砖，窗户很大。我们会在花园里种果树，还有各种各样的花儿，有一个草坪，我们的孩子在上面玩耍。星期五，在清真寺做过祷告之后，每个人会到我们家里吃午饭，我们在花园用膳，在樱桃树下，从井里打水喝。然后我们喝着茶，吃着糖果，看着我们的孩子跟亲戚的小孩玩……”

He took a long gulp⁹ of his scotch¹⁰. Coughed. “You should have seen the look on my father’s face when I told him. My mother actually fainted. My sisters splashed her face with water. They fanned her and looked at me as if I had slit¹¹ her throat. My brother Jalal actually went to fetch his hunting rifle before my father stopped him.” Rahim Khan barked a bitter laughter. “It was Homaira and me against the world. And I’ll tell you this, Amir jan: In the end, the world always wins. That’s just the way of things.”

他喝了一大口烈酒，咳嗽。“可惜你看不到我把这件事告诉我爸爸时他脸上的表情。我妈妈完全昏厥了，我的姐妹用冷水扑打她的脸，她们对着她扇风，仿佛我用刀子割了她的喉咙。要不是我爸爸及时阻止，我哥哥雅拉尔真的会去抓来他的猎枪。”拉辛汗说，带着痛苦的笑声，“我跟荷麦拉对抗着整个世界。并且我告诉你，亲爱的阿米尔，到了最后，总是这个世界赢得胜利。就这么回事。”

“So what happened?” “后来怎样呢?”

“That same day, my father put Homaira and her family on a lorry and sent them off to Hazarajat. I never saw her again.”

“就在那天，我爸爸将荷麦拉和她的家人赶上一辆货车，送他们去哈扎拉贾特。我再也没有见到过她。”

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“真遗憾。”我说。

“Probably for the best, though,” Rahim Khan said, shrugging. “She would have suffered. My family would have never accepted her as an equal. You don’t order someone to polish your shoes one day and call them ‘sister’ the next.” He looked at me. “You know, you can tell me anything you want, Amir jan. Anytime.”

“不过这也许是最好的结果了，”拉辛汗说，耸耸肩。“她会受辱的。我的家人将永远不会平等对待她。你不会下令让某人替你擦鞋子，而当天晚些时候管她叫‘姐妹’。”他看着我，“你知道，你可以告诉我任何你想说的事情，亲爱的阿米尔，任何时候。”

“I know,” I said uncertainly. He looked at me for a long time, like he was waiting, his black bottomless eyes hinting at an unspoken secret between us. For a moment, I almost did tell him. Almost told him everything, but then what would he think of me? He’d hate me, and rightfully.

“我知道，”我惴惴地说。他久久看着我，似乎在等待；他黑色的眼睛深洞无底，隐藏着我们之间一个没有说出的秘密。那一刻，我差点就告诉他了，差点把什么都对他说，可是到时他会怎么看待我?他会恨我，而且合情合理。

“Here.” He handed me something. “I almost forgot. Happy birthday.” It was a brown leather-bound notebook. I traced my fingers along the gold-colored stitching on the borders. I smelled the leather. “For your stories,” he said. I was going to thank him when something exploded and bursts of fire lit up the sky.

“给你，”他递给我某件东西，“我差点忘记了，生日快乐。”那是个棕色的皮面笔记本。我伸出手指，摸索着它镶着金线的边缘，闻到皮革的味道。“给你写故事用的。”他说。我刚要向他道谢，有些东西爆炸了，在天空中燃起火焰。

“Fireworks!” “烟花!”

We hurried back to the house and found the guests all standing¹² in the yard, looking up to the sky. Kids hooted¹³ and screamed with each crackle and whoosh¹⁴. People cheered, burst into applause each time flares¹⁵ sizzled and exploded into bouquets¹⁶ of fire. Every few seconds, the backyard lit up in sudden flashes of red, green, and yellow. 我们匆忙赶回家，发现所有的宾客都站在院子里，望着天空。每次爆裂和呼啸升空的声音，都会引来孩子们大声尖叫。每次火焰嘶嘶作响，爆裂开来，变成花束，都会引起人们欢呼，拍掌称好。每隔几秒钟，后院就会被突然爆发的火光点亮，有红的、绿的、黄的。

In one of those brief bursts of light, I saw something I’ll never forget: Hassan serving drinks to Assef and Wali from a silver platter. The light winked¹⁷ out, a hiss¹⁸ and a crackle, then another flicker¹⁹ of orange light: Assef grinning, kneading Hassan in the chest with a knuckle²⁰.

在一次短暂的闪光中，我看到永世不会忘记的情景：哈桑端着银盘，服侍阿塞夫和瓦里喝酒。那阵光芒消失了，又是一声嘶嘶，一声爆裂，接着是一道橙色的火光：阿塞夫狞笑着，用一根指节敲打着哈桑的胸膛。

Then, mercifully, darkness.

然后，天可怜见，什么都看不到了。