My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you has screwed up my life.

我的心肝，我的挚爱，我美丽的贤妻，

我这辈子就毁在你手里。

I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming.

你的容颜依稀入梦境，

于是我在尖叫中惊醒。

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot

This describes everything you are not.

善良、聪慧、多情而性感，

可惜这些你一条都不占。

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss¹,

But I only slept with you cause I was pissed.

爱是上天赐福，爱情多么美好，

可我与你同眠只是因为喝高。

I thought that I could love no other,

that is until I met your brother.

曾以为一生只爱你一个，

直到遇见你的二表哥。

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting², the violets are dead,the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

娇艳的紫罗兰，鲜红的玫瑰，甜蜜的糖，就像你一样美。但

紫罗兰会凋谢，玫瑰会枯黄，糖碗空空如也，和你的脑袋一样。

I want to feel your sweet embrace;

But don't take that paper bag off your face.

我渴望你温柔的拥抱，

但别把你脸上的面具摘掉。

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

我爱你的明眸，你的脸庞，你的微笑，.

妈的，我真是说谎不打草稿！

My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way?

爱人啊，你简直让我窒息，

你在哪沾上的一身臭气？

My feelings for you no words can tell,

except for maybe "Go to hell."

我对你的深情无法付诸言语，

除了一句“滚一边去”！

What inspired this amorous³ rhyme?

Two parts vodka and one part lime.

是什么激发了我多情的诗篇？

伏特加两杯，酸柠檬一片。