“Their sons go out to nightclubs looking for meat and get their girlfriends pregnant¹, they have kids out of wedlock² and no one says a goddamn thing. Oh, they’re just men having fun! I make one mistake and suddenly everyone is talking nang and namoos, and I have to have my face rubbed in it for the rest of my life.” “她们的儿子晚上到酒吧鬼混，寻欢作乐，搞大女朋友的肚子，未婚生子，没有人会说半句闲话。哦，他们只是找乐子的男人罢了。我不过犯了一次错，而突然之间，所有人都开始谈论清白和尊严，我一辈子将不得不背负这个罪名，抬不起头来。”

I wiped a tear from her jawline, just above her birthmark, with the pad of my thumb. 我伸出拇指，从她下巴抹去一颗泪珠，就在她的胎记上方。

“I didn’t tell you,” Soraya said, dabbing³ at her eyes, “but my father showed up with a gun that night. He told... him... that he had two bullets in the chamber⁴, one for him and one for himself if I didn’t come home. I was screaming, calling my father all kinds of names, saying he couldn’t keep me locked up forever, that I wished he were dead.” Fresh tears squeezed out between her lids. “I actually said that to him, that I wished he were dead. “我没跟你说，”索拉雅说，眼里泛着泪花，“那天夜里，我爸爸掏出一把枪。他告诉……那人……说枪膛里有两颗子弹，如果我不回家，他就一枪打死他，然后自杀。我尖叫着，用各种各样的话骂我爸爸，跟他说他无法将我锁上一辈子，告诉他我希望他去死”她又哭起来，泪水沾满嘴唇。“我真的对他那么说，说我希望他去死。”

“When he brought me home, my mother threw her arms around me and she was crying too. She was saying things but I couldn’t understand any of it because she was slurring⁵ her words so badly. So my father took me up to my bedroom and sat me in front of the dresser mirror. He handed me a pair of scissors and calmly told me to cut off all my hair. He watched while I did it. “他把我带回家时，我妈妈伸臂抱住我，她也哭起来了。她在说话，可是我一句也没听清，因为她口齿不清，说话含混。于是我爸爸将我带回我的房间，令我坐在化妆镜前面，给我一把剪刀，不动声色地叫我把头发都剪下来。我剪的时候，他就在旁边看着。”

“I didn’t step out of the house for weeks. And when I did, I heard whispers or imagined them everywhere I went. That was four years ago and three thousand miles away and I’m still hearing them.” “一连好几个星期，我都没有出门。而当我走出去的时候，无论走到哪里，我都能听到有人窃窃私语，或者那是想像出来的。四年过去了，那个地方离这儿三千英里，而我还能听到这些话。”

“Fuck ‘em,” I said. She made a sound that was half sob⁶, half laugh. “When I told you about this on the phone the night of khastegari, I was sure you’d change your mind.” “让他们去死。”我说。她破涕为笑，说：“提亲那夜，我在电话里把事情告诉你，原以为你会改变主意。”

“No chance of that, Soraya.”She smiled and took my hand. “I’m so lucky to have found you. You’re so different from every Afghan guy I’ve met.” “没有什么能改变，索拉雅。”她微笑起来，握住我的手。“能够找到你我真幸运。你和我遇到的阿富汗男人都不同。”

“Let’s never talk about this again, okay?” “让我们永远别提这个了，好吗？”?

“Okay.” “好的。