Through high school and college, I had a close-knit group of friends. I was rarely alone.

高中和大学阶段，我有不少亲密的朋友，我很少独自一人。

In college, I felt close to many but often sought a deeper friendship with my roommate, or the friend whose life, at the given semester, most intertwined with mine.

大学的时候，我觉得和很多人都很亲近，但我会会去和我的室友或者在某个学期中跟我有许多生活交集的人建立更深的友谊。

But this year, lacking a “person” meant something different. My apartment, strung with Christmas lights and candles, shared with a lovely woman I met online, suddenly felt cold and isolating¹.

但这一年，缺个“人”的意味就有所不同了。我和我网上认识的可爱女子合住，而这个挂满了圣诞彩灯和蜡烛的公寓突然之间满是寂寥和冷冰。

Friends lived mere² subway stops away, dispersed³ between neighborhoods. I’d see them every few weeks, enjoying the intimacy⁴ of reunion. But in the quiet moments, the rides from work, I became fixated on what I lacked.

我的朋友们就住在几站地铁之外，散布在不同的街区。我每隔几周就会和他们见面，享受亲密的重聚。但在安静的时候，以及下班回家的路上，我就会关注到我所缺失的东西。

My closest platonic⁵ friendships do not necessarily require physical proximity⁶, intimacy or daily communication to keep us close. This unconditionality⁷ makes the way I share and confide⁸ in my closest friends different from my friendship with my boyfriend.

我最亲密的柏拉图式友谊并不需要两人离得很近、也不需要每日交流来保持亲近的关系。我和最亲密的朋友间这种无条件的分享和互诉衷肠有别于我和男友的关系。

In the past three months, I faced two emergency surgeries. Both ejected me from the city and placed me on bed rest, immobile and isolated⁹, for weeks.

过去的三个月里，我面临了两次紧急手术，每次都连续几个礼拜让我远离城市、卧床休息，动弹不得还与世隔绝。

Convinced I needed a “person,” I became irrational¹⁰. I lost sight of my people. Yet they had not lost sight of me. Friendship, I learned, is an investment and a privilege but friendship can’t be quantified.

我确信我需要个“人”，我变得不可理喻，忽视了我的朋友们。然而， 他们并没有忽视我。我慢慢懂得，友谊是经营、是特权，但不能量化。

Like all relationships, friendships are about mutual¹¹ exchange: Sharing parts of yourself, be it humor, memories, adventures, love or support, and receiving parts of others.

和所有关系一样，友谊也是一种利益交换：分享你自己，无论幽默还是回忆、冒险历程还是爱与支持，然后对方会向你分享他自己。

What shined through after my surgery wasn’t just love but the power of many individual bonds.

手术后，那些让我觉得美好的东西不仅仅是爱，还有羁绊的力量。

One best friend was not by my side, but with each check-in came reminders¹² of the parts of my heart that others carry, and the unique parts of them that I cherish.

有一位我最好的朋友并不在我身边，不过朋友们每次来看望的时候都让我意识到他们心里有我，也让我意识到我的心中有他们。