BUILD YOUR TEAM SPIRIT

建立团队精神

"The most important element of making a relationship work is teamwork," says Dr. Tina Tessina, Ph.D., author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About The Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage. "If you play tug¹ of war with each other, you won't get anywhere. But as partners, you can accomplish anything." Everyone loves a good team-just look at how riled up we all are over the World Cup. Bring a little bit of that spirit to your relationship. It could be as simple as joining your local bowling² league and making T-shirts that say "Team Smith." "Playing up that in-it-together mentality³ enhances the bonds of your relationship," adds Tessina. So when it comes time to huddle⁴ over a serious issue like finances, you'll be pumped to get on the same page.

"情感顺利的最重要一条就是团队合作，"蒂娜·泰斯纳（Tina Tessina）医生说道，她是一位博士，也是《钱、性和孩子：不要再为这三件可能毁坏婚姻的事而争吵不休了》（Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About The Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage）一书的作者。"如果你们彼此开战，谁都得不了便宜。但作为伙伴，你们能完成一切。"每个人都喜欢有一个好的团队--只要看看我们在世界杯上有多么疯狂就行了。感情关系中也可融入一点这样的精神。这就与加入地方保龄队和在短袖上写"史密斯队"一样简单。"展示那种团结一致的心态能促进情感的升华，"泰斯纳说道。所以当你们需要解决类似财务等重要问题时，最好还是统一战线吧。

TREAT YOUR PARTNER LIKE A CHILD

像对待孩子一样对待另一半

Yes, you read that right. Think about it: You know it's not enough to tell a child, "I love you. You're the greatest." You need to be specific and focus on the actual task they've accomplished⁵, like, "You did a great job setting the table" or "You were so brave to tell your friend she hurt your feelings," says Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of Marriage Rules. That same logic⁶ applies to your husband-crystal-clear compliments go a lot further than vague verbal pats on the back. "Speaking to specifics warms things up and lets your partner know why you really admire him," helping⁷ to reinforce a real connection, adds Lerner.

是的，你没看错。想想看：你知道只是告诉小孩子"我爱你，你最棒了"是不够的。你需要具体一点，专门表扬他们实际完成的任务，比如，"桌子布置的真好"又或者"你真勇敢，告诉了你朋友她伤害了你的感情，"哈里特·勒纳博士说道，她是《婚姻法则》（Marriage Rules）一书的作者。这种逻辑对你的丈夫也同样使用--清晰明了的称赞比私底下模糊不清的赞美更加有效。"说一些具体的事情可以营造气氛，也会让另一半了解你为什么会倾慕于他，"这能加强你们之间的火花碰撞，勒纳补充道。

TURN CHORES INTO FAVORS

把家务活变成趣事儿

In this Lean In world, you'd think we'd have figured out how to split household tasks 50-50. But there's still a good chance that's not the case in your home. "Sometimes women let things manifest and we become passive-aggressive," says Syrtash. "Men prefer a more direct approach, so just say, 'Okay, let's tackle this. Here's what needs to be done.'" Most men want to be part of the solution, so if your husband needs a little extra push, put a reward on the line.

在这样一个全球都做志愿者的时代，你可能会想着去平分家务活儿。但很有可能你的家里并不是这个情况。"有时候女性会放大一些事情，我们就会被激怒，" Syrtash说道。"男人更喜欢直接一点的方法，所以直接说'好的，我们一起解决这个问题吧。现在需要做这些事。'"很多男人都想参与到解决问题的过程中，所以如果你的丈夫需要别人推一把，那你就给他提出一点奖励好了。