While it can be difficult to recognise signs of an unhealthy relationship when it is your own, it is important to take the occasional step back and assess whether you’re happy with how things are between you and your partner.

虽然审视自己的恋爱关系并承认有不健康的迹象是很困难的，但偶尔后退一步，回想自己和另一半相处时开不开心也是很重要的。

Users on question-and-answer website Quora have been discussing certain habits that could be warning signs of a toxic¹ relationship.

在问答网站Quora上，用户们一直在讨论一些不健康的恋爱习惯。

Here are some of the habits that were mentioned the most:

下列是讨论最多的习惯：

Keeping score

不断记录

Quora user Howie Reith suggested that noting down past mistakes or arguments and then bringing them up again to be used as ammunition² is "bad for several reasons". "It is manipulative… it fosters bitterness, and it deflects³ discussion of whatever issue has caused the present fight," he wrote.

Quora用户豪伊·里思建议道：将过去犯下的错误或争论记下来，然后每次吵架时再旧事重提以作为自己的有利武器是“不利的”。“这是一种操纵别人的行为，会带来痛苦，同时也从当前的争吵转而回到争吵旧事，”他写道。

Holding the relationship hostage

动不动就拿分手说事

Does every minor⁴ hiccup⁵ and effort to communicate seem to lead to the threat of an end to the relationship? Writer Mark Manson said such "emotional blackmail⁶" created unnecessary drama and forced people to suppress their true feelings, which in turn leads to distrust and manipulation.

是不是每一次小小的困难或是未能及时沟通都有可能导致这段关系终结呢？作家马克·梅森说道这种“情感勒索”会引起不必要的戏剧性情节，迫使人们抑制自己的真实情感，反过来就会导致不信任和操纵。

Being passive aggressive

被动攻击

Rather than saying exactly what is bothering them, a partner finds petty ways to imply their significant other that they don’t understand or are being deliberately⁷ slow on the uptake. If both parties are communicating properly, there is no need for that kind of behaviour.

这种人不会说出自己的困扰，而是会从很多小方面向另一半来暗示他们没有理解，或故意表示不明白。如果双方都有效沟通的话，这种行为就没有必要了。

Buying "solutions"

够买良方

Using material goods as a way to “make up” for past mistakes gives the recipient⁸ subconscious⁹ incentive¹⁰ to cause further problems, and again discourages proper communication and resolution. Howie Reith writes that one partner will then feel like a cash machine, while the other will well as though their problems are not being heard properly.

用物质的东西补偿犯下的过错，这会让收礼物的人有一种闹大矛盾的下意识，并且阻碍了有效的沟通和解决方案。豪伊·里思写道：之后恋爱一方就会觉得自己是个取款机，另一方就会觉得心满意足，尽管他们之间的问题并没有得到妥善解决。

Jealousy¹¹

嫉妒

Anonymous¹² writes: "When your partner expects to be told where you are and who with at all times, as though you are not to be trusted."

匿名人士写道：“你的另一半总是想要知道你在哪，你和谁待在一起，就好像你不值得被信任一样。”

Tell Us What You Think

Do you agree that review time is a bad time to ask for a raise, or have you had good luck pushing for a salary increase? We want to hear from you. Tell us your story in the comments.

1.note down记录某事

If you note down in the beginning itself all that you need to perform these activities, you will not have to redo the list every time.

如果你一开始就把执行活动所需要的信息都记录下来，就不用每次都麻烦的重列清单了。

2.in turn反过来；转而；轮流，依次

The students were summoned in turn to be interviewed.

学生依次被召入进行口试。

3.lead to导致；通向

I believe that his friends, above all Halifax, came to the conclusion that he must be rooted out of the life he was leading at Trinity which must soon lead to decay of mind and health.

我相信他的朋友们，首先是哈利法克斯得出这样的结论：他必须从在三一学院沿循的生活中拔出脚来，否则它必定很快会导致精神和健康的衰落。

4.manipulation [məˌnɪpjʊˈleʃən] 操纵；操作；处理；篡改

In this model, the pragmatic attributes relate to manipulation of the software.

在这个模型里，使用主义属性和软件的操作相关。