Never neg

不要打压对方

Negging – a favourite of pickup¹ artists and other shady characters – is basically an insult disguised as a compliment.

表面在赞美，实际上却是在侮辱对方，这是把妹达人最喜欢用的伎俩。

You may not mean to neg a woman, but a compliment might veer² into that territory. For example: ‘You look so cute! My gran has the exact same dress!’ or ‘I adore your little snub nose.’

有时候你在试图赞美一个女人的时候，无意中也可能贬损了对方。比如：“你看上去真可爱！我奶奶也有一条那样的裙子！”或者“我喜欢你的小蒜头鼻！”

These are ‘compliments’ that will earn you a cold silence from a woman. She’s not going to notice the ‘cute’ part; it doesn’t count when she’s worried that her dress makes her look matronly or that she has an unfortunate nose.

如果你说了这些话，就等着冷场吧。对方不会注意到夸赞她的那部分，只会注意到你在说她穿着老气或者鼻子长得丑。

There are plenty of other things you can compliment her on that won’t have the added effect of making her feel insecure.

可以赞美的方面有很多，你完全可以做到不在赞美时打击对方。

Don’t make a joke of it

别开玩笑

Flirting³ can be scary at the best of times. You’re making yourself vulnerable when you do it, and it’s perfectly⁴ natural to want to offset⁵ that with humour. You want to tease a woman instead of complimenting her – but being earnest is probably the best approach when it comes to compliments. Women recognise sincerity⁶ and are grateful for it.

就算天时地利人和，撩妹也没那么容易。处于被动状态的你为了不那么尴尬，想说几句幽默的话来缓解一下气氛。于是你就想弃用赞美转而对她进行调侃——殊不知真诚才是最好的赞美方式。当你拿出诚意时，对方是能够感受到的，而且会很感激你。

Instead of ‘I’d tell you how cute you look today, but of course you already know that hahahahaha’, try a simple ‘You look really lovely today, by the way.’

错误的赞美方式是“我想说你今天很可爱，不过，你应该早就知道了，哈哈哈”，正确的打开方式是这样的：“对了，你今天看上去很可爱。”

That way, she won’t have to smile awkwardly or wonder whether it’s a joke or not.

这样，对方就不需要尴尬地对你微笑，也不用在心里嘀咕你说的到底是不是真心话。

Do compliment her on things other than her appearance

赞美她们外表之外的东西

When complimenting women, it’s good to keep in mind that women are likely to be wary⁷ of comments on their physical appearance, and are much more receptive to compliments on their intelligence, wit, or sense of humour (In fact, they are almost never appreciated for the latter, so go ahead, tell her that she’s one of the funniest people you know).

赞美女性时，要记住女性对于别人赞美自己外表总是防心很重，相比之下，女性更喜欢别人赞美她们的才智或幽默感（事实上，人们总是容易忽视女性的幽默感，所以不妨告诉对方，她是你见过的最风趣的人）。

If you do make a comment on her physical appearance, the golden rule is to keep it general. ‘You look beautiful,’ to your date, NOT ‘you have a very sexy neck.’ No matter how sexy her neck is, pointing out one hyperspecific area of her body can feel gross and objectifying.

如果你非要称赞人家的外表，黄金法则就是，不要说得太具体，用“你真漂亮”代替“你的脖子很性感”，就算人家的脖子再性感，都不要具体指出来，否则会让人感觉恶心并有物化对方之嫌。

Don’t be abrasive⁸ or grudging⁹

别一副不情不愿的样子

Sadly many men adopt a slightly hostile or abrasive tone when they compliment women. It’s another defence mechanism¹⁰ that you have to let go of.

可悲的是，很多直男在赞美女性的时候总是带着些许敌意或者不情愿的语气，这其实是心理防御机制在搞鬼。

Remember, the purpose of a compliment is to make somebody feel better about themselves. Do it with a smile on your face and in a pleasant tone: don’t say it as if you had a gun to your head.

记住，赞美是为了让对方自我感觉更良好，脸上带笑、语气愉快是最好的，不要给人不情不愿的感觉。

People don’t notice what you’re saying as much as the tone you’re saying it in, so a good compliment is completely wasted if it’s delivered poorly.

很多时候，人们会更多注意他人说话的语调，而不是内容。所以，如果赞美的好话不能好好地说，那还不如不说。

Finally, remember how powerful compliments can be

最后，记住赞美的力量是强大的

Ask most people and they’ll tell you: yes, they remember the best compliment they ever received. Even if it was five years ago, in the club loo and it was a drunk compliment from another girl.

如果你去问一下，很多人都会告诉你：他们记得自己收到过的最好的赞美。即便那些赞美来自5年前、发生在一个俱乐部厕所间或是另一个女孩在醉酒状态下说出来的，它也仍然有力量。