有位名叫Dave Barry的记者在1995年写了一本名为“Complete Guide to Guys”（《男性完全指南》）的书，23年过后，其中的一个段落依旧为人津津乐道。

这段文字风趣地描绘了男性和女性思维模式的不同。

小故事的主角是一对相恋不久的情侣，Roger和Elaine。他们愉快地看了几次电影，约了几顿饭，感觉不错，就继续频繁见面，过了一段时间后，他们都不再和别的人约会了。

一天晚上，他们开车回家，Elaine有了一个想法，她不假思索地说了出来：

“Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”

“你知道吗，到今晚，我们已经约会整整六个月了？”

接下来，车内是一阵沉默。

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.

车里变得很安静。对Elaine来说，这安静来得很喧嚣。她心想：天，我这么说是不是让他心烦了。可能我们的关系让他感到受束缚了，可能他觉得我在催他为这段关系负责任，而他也许不想，或不确定要不要做出承诺。

而Roger在想：

“Gosh. Six months.”

“我天，六个月。”

Elaine想：

But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily¹ toward…

但是，我也不确定我是不是想要这样的关系呀。有时候我希望能有多一点空间，容我思考自己是不是真的想和他这样继续发展下去，一直走向……

I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy²? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person? 我意思是，我们到底要走向哪儿？我们是按照这种亲密程度一直约会下去？还是说我们会结婚？生孩子？一辈子在一起？我准备好做出这样的承诺了吗？我真的足够了解这个人吗？

而Roger此刻在想：

…so that means it was… let’s see …February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means… lemme check the odometer… Whoa! I am way overdue³ for an oil change here.

……那就是说，我想想……我们是二月份开始约会的，那时我刚买了这辆车，也就是说……让我看看里程表……哇！我早该去更换机油啦。

Elaine继续胡思乱想：

He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed — even before I sensed it — that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.

他很不安。我从他脸上就能看出来。也许我完全理解错了。也许他想要从这段关系中得到更多，更多的亲密感，更多的承诺；也许他感觉到了——甚至比我更早发觉——我是有所保留的。是的，我打赌是这样。这就是他不愿说出自己真实感受的原因。他害怕被拒绝。

而Roger的思想已经跑向了另一个方向：

And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons⁴ say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent⁵ thieves $600.

我还得让他们再看看变速器。我不管那些蠢货怎么说，这车换档还是不对。他们这次最好别说是因为天气冷。什么天气冷？现在外面30度，但这玩意儿换起档来像台垃圾车，我还付了那些无能的家伙600刀呢。

Elaine继续着她天马行空的关于双方感情关系和自我内心的剖析，Roger则将思绪集中到失灵装置的售后保障上……

Elaine想：

He's angry. And don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

他生气了，这不怪他，要我我也气。我真觉得对不起他，让他经受这种折磨，但我忍不住自己的想法。我总是不确定。

Roger想：

They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty⁶...

他们保不齐要说保修单只保90天……

Elaine想：

Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight⁷ to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly⁸ good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

也许我太理想化了，总想等着英俊的骑士骑着白马来接我，而我此刻正坐在一个好得不能再好的人身边。一个我能愉快相处的人，一个我真正关心的人，一个好像也真正关心我的人。而此刻这个人正因为我自私的小女孩式的浪漫幻想而饱受折磨。

Roger想：

Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and...

保修单？他们想要保修单？看我不把保修单甩他们一脸。我要拿着他们的保修单，然后……

沉浸在悲伤联想中的Elaine终于忍无可忍。

“Roger,” Elaine says aloud.

“Roger,”Elaine大声地说。

"What?" says Roger, startled.

“啥？”Roger吓了一跳。

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God I feel so..." (She breaks down sobbing⁹.)

“别折磨自己了，”她说，泪水涌上她的双眼。“可能我真不该……天哪我真的觉得……”（她崩溃，抽泣。）

"What?" says Roger.

“啥？”Roger说。

她想到了方才内心戏中掠过的白马王子的影子：

“I'm such a fool,” Elaine sobs¹⁰. “I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There’s no knight, and there's no horse.”

“我真是个傻瓜，”Elaine抽泣着。“我的意思是，我知道没有骑士。我真的知道。太傻了。没有骑士，也没有马。”

“There's no horse?” Says Roger.

“没有马？”Roger说。

两人鸡同鸭讲半天，然后，Elaine说，“我需要一点时间（I need some time）”。

There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work. "Yes," he says. Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.

接下来是15秒的沉默，Roger的脑袋飞速地转着，努力要想出一个安全的答复。终于，他想出了一个自认可行的答案。“好的，”他说。Elaine深受感动，摸了摸他的手。

然后，女生回到家，带着一颗矛盾的、备受折磨的心，抽泣到黎明。

男生回家后，捧着一包玉米片，打开电视，快速沉浸到一场网球比赛中。

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking¹¹ detail, they will analyze¹² everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification¹³.

第二天，Elaine会给她最好的一个朋友打电话，或许是两个，她们会就当前形势持续讨论六小时。事无巨细，逐字逐句分析她和他说的每句话，一遍遍推敲整个过程，探讨每个词汇表达、每个手势的细微含义，思考每一种可能的结果。

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual¹⁴ friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

与此同时，Roger在和他与Elaine都认识的一个朋友玩壁球，他在发球前停顿片刻，皱着眉说：“哥们，Elaine养过马吗？”

And that's the difference between men and women.

而这就是男人与女人的不同。

这则小故事让不少网友看完开心大笑，有人觉得作者幽默地展现了恋爱中男生和女生的不同，也有人觉得这是一种“gender¹⁵ stereotype”（性别刻板印象）。

像这个女生这样想太多，其实在年轻人当中是很常见的，男生也会这样。不过很多人慢慢会改变的。

我也经常内心戏太丰富，我是个男生。通常这种情况都发生在追求女生的阶段，不过一旦关系确立了，我就和帖子里这个男生差不多了。

显然，两性的内心对比并非像文中表现得这样非黑即白。但在恋爱中，两个不同的个体要和谐相处，必然要磨合和包容。

如果想要长期的伴侣，稳定的关系，就要以积极的态度来对待所谓“容忍”，换个角度，“忍”也是一种包容和奉献，是对关系之中另一半的呵护，亦是自己为人的修炼。

另有一本风靡全球的畅销书《男人来自火星，女人来自金星》（Men are from Mars，Women are from Venus），其中亦总结了一些男女两性的差异与和谐共处之道，在这里试举几例：

When a man can listen to a woman's feelings without getting angry and frustrated¹⁶, he gives her a wonderful gift.

一个男人如果能不生气、不烦躁地倾听女人诉说自己的感觉，那便是给了她一个美好的礼物。

He makes it safe for her to express herself.

他让她能安心地表达自己的情感。

The more she is able to express herself, the more she feels heard and understood, and the more she is able to give a man the loving trust, acceptance, appreciation¹⁷, admiration¹⁸, approval, and encouragement that he needs.

她表达得愈多，就愈觉得被倾听与被了解，也愈能给予男人需要的爱与信任、接受、欣赏、赞美、肯定与鼓励。

Men are motivated when they feel needed while women are motivated when they feel cherished.

男人的动力来自于感觉到自己被需要，女人的动力来自于觉得自己被珍爱。

Men need to remember that women talk about problems to get close and not necessarily to get solutions.

男人们要记住，女人和你谈问题烦恼时，是为了增进亲密感，而未必是想要解决方案。

When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom.

只有当男人和女人能够尊重和接受彼此的不同，爱情才有机会盛放。

当然，以上总结也许也有“gender stereotype”之嫌，但两性在沟通时难免会遇到障碍。

伴侣间总需要接纳彼此的不同，一起寻找良好的处理方式。

相信一段成功的恋爱关系，是能让双方共同成长的。