From the potato-loving Irish to the pretentious¹ French, these tumblr users perfectly² poke³ fun at their traditions, unmasking the cornerstones of their most beloved foods.

从热爱土豆的爱尔兰人到装模作样的法国人，这些社交网友用高超的技艺恶搞了一番自己国家的饮食文化，还对传统美食的秘方进行了揭秘。

French recipes: If you’re not making this in Paris then what’s the point.

法国料理：如果这道菜不是在巴黎做的，那就不是法国料理。

Italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of Tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically⁴ in your house.

意大利料理：在托斯卡纳这个地区的三个农场中选一个，用农场里饲养的猪的左前腿做菜，不然从今天开始我的祖母会在你家现身哟。

American recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan, congrats you cooked.

美国料理：这种罐头来三个，一起放进平底锅里，恭喜你做好了！

Chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. You want to know the exact amount? Feel it in your heart. Ask the stars. Yell into the void.

中国料理，时代相传的哟：这种作料少许，那种作料稍许，腌渍一下。你想知道确切的分量？用你的心感受一下。问一问星空。对深渊呐喊吧！

Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.

希腊料理：你遵循了正确的步骤，但做出来的成果却不对。我也不知道该说什么。

Australian recipes: Chuck it on the barbie.

澳大利亚料理：丢到烤架上烤一烤。

Armenian recipes: Spend eight days laboring⁵ over the stove, The food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity⁶. No one will appreciate it.

亚美尼亚料理：用整整八天的时间守在炉前精心烹饪，食物因你奉献的辛劳而香味浓郁。但没有人会欣赏你的劳动成果。

Canadian recipes: it either needs more bacon, more maple⁷ syrup⁸, more gravy⁹, or an unholy combination of the three.

加拿大料理：这道菜要么还需要放点培根，要么还需要枫糖浆，或者肉汁，或者再放点这三种东西诡异的混合物。

Filipino recipes: Soy sauce and vinegar everywhere.

菲律宾料理：每道菜都要加酱油和醋。

Welsh recipes: You ought to make it with this obscure type of cheese which doesn’t exist any more but you can replace it with the other obscure type of cheese from the other side of the country.

爱尔兰料理：你应该用一种鲜为人知的特殊奶酪来做这道菜，但这种奶酪已经没有了，不过你可以用远在这个国家的另一边出产的另一种鲜为人知的特殊奶酪作为替代。

Slovenian recipes: Go to the garden, get some weeds, then make a soup out of it.

斯罗维尼亚料理：走到花园里，拔点草，用它们烧一锅汤。

Polish recipes: You have to touch the dough¹⁰ , feel the pierogi in your heart, touch it, lick it, smell it.

波兰料理：你要用手触摸那只生面团，在心中感受那个波兰饺子的存在，触摸它，舔舔它，闻闻它。

Internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sister’s third birthday that I completely made up, and a copypaste from Alton Brown.

网络料理：附带一个关于我小妹妹三岁生日的暖心故事，其实这个故事完全是我编造的，而且是从网络主持人Alton Brown那里复制粘贴来的。

Irish recipes:

爱尔兰料理：

PO TA TOES

土——豆！

一句话总结各国料理：中餐要探问星空？.jpg

Boil them, mash¹¹ them, stick them in a stew¹² .

煮土豆，土豆泥，大锅炖土豆！

Dutch recipes: Fry it.

荷兰料理：炸了它！