As we go through life we have relationships that don't work out, jobs that just aren't right, exams that we flunk¹, initiatives that don't succeed. The more new things we try the more failures we are likely to have. In fact, the only way to avoid failure is to do nothing new.

这一生，我们总会遇到纠缠不清的人际关系、不甚满意的工作、未通过的考试，或者不曾实现的计划。尝试越多，挫折也越多。除非什么都不干，否则难免遭受打击。

The important thing is how we deal with failure. It can be part of a downward slide in which lack of confidence reinforces feelings of inadequacy² and incompetence³. But experiencing failure can be a learning experience and an opportunity for a fresh start. A good way to begin this process is by asking yoruself some tough questions.

关键是我们如何面对失败。人走下坡路，往往会自卑，感到无能为力。但失败也是吸取教训、重新开始的机会。要重新开始，最好认真思考下面几个问题。

1. What can I learn from this?

我从失败中学到了什么？

Take responsibility for what went wrong. OK, so it was not all your fault — but some of it was. Successful people don't make excuses or blame others. They take ownership of the issues. Be critical but constructive⁴. Try to look at the experience objectively. Make a list of the key things that happened. Analyze⁵ the list step-by-step and look for the learning points.

为所犯的错承担责任。的确，失败并非完全你的错，但你也确实在责难逃吧。成功的人从来不为失败找借口或抱怨他人，而是坦然承担责任。所以，试着客观看待挫折，列出清单，一步一步认真总结才好。

2. What could I have done differently?

如果重来一次会不会有不同的处理方式？

What other options did you have? What choices did you make? How could you have handled it differently? With the benefit of hindsight, what different steps would you have taken?

当初是否还有其他途径？可否换一种方式处理？后见之明或许能让你发现原来还有别的方法解决问题。

3. Do I need to acquire or improve some skills?

我的能力是否亟待提高？

Did the problem reveal some lack of skill on your part? How could you learn or improve those skills? Perhaps there are books or courses or people you could turn to. Make a self-development plan to acquire the skills and experiences you need.

挫折是否也代表你能力不足呢？该怎样弥补？或许，你可以读书、上课或向人请教。制定计划，努力提高自己的能力吧。

4. Who can I learn from?

我能向谁学习？

Is there someone to whom you can turn to for advice? Did a boss, colleague or a friend see what happened? If they are constructive and supportive then ask them for some feedback and guidance. Most people do not ask for help because they believe it to be a sign of weakness rather than strength. It's not. It shows that you are ready to learn and change. Any good friend will be happy to help.

身边有没有可以求助的人？如果上司、同事或朋友能够理解，你可以多征求他们的意见。很多人都觉得求助意味着无能，真是大错特错。你开口求助，表示你渴望学习和改变，朋友当然会很乐意！

5. What will I do next?

接下来该怎么办？

Now draw up an action plan. Will you try something similar or something different? Revisit your goals and objectives. This reversal has been a setback⁷ on your journey but think of it as a diversion rather than a halt. You can now reset⁸ your sights on your destination and plan a new course.

制定行动方案。你想一如既往还是有所不同？好好审视自己的目标吧。失败并不意味着你要放弃，或许你只需换种方式而已。所以，你应重新审视目标，调整实施计划。

If you read the life stories of successful people — especially inventors, explorers, scientists or statesmen — you will find that their early careers are littered with failures. Walt Disney, Thomas Edison and Henry Ford⁹ are typical examples. Abraham Lincoln, suffered many defeats in his career in politics including losing the nomination¹⁰ for vice⁶ president in 1856 and his second run at being a U.S. Senator in 1858. Two years later he was elected president.

如果你常读成功人士的故事——尤其是那些发明家、探险家、科学家或政治家的，你会发现，很多人早年都处处碰壁。沃尔特·迪士尼、托马斯·爱迪生以及亨利·福特都是很好的例子。再比如亚伯拉罕·林肯，政治生涯屡屡受挫：1856年，错失副总统提名；1858年，参议员竞选再度落榜；直到两年后，他才成为美国总统。

The important point is to use your setbacks as learning experiences and make them stepping stones to future success. There are always positives you can take from every episode in your life. Asking yourself these five questions can help find them.

所以，你应该把失败看作吸取教训、走向成功的垫脚石。生命中的每段历程，都有积极乐观的一面。多问问自己这五个问题，或许你就能茅塞顿开。