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爱情这部电话
添加时间:2014-07-16 09:15:46 浏览次数: 作者:未知
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  • PLEASE, God, let him telephone me now. Dear God, let him call me now. I won't ask anything else of You, truly I won't. It isn't very much to ask. It would be so little to You, God, such a little, little thing. Only let him telephone now. Please, God. Please, please, please.

    If I didn't think about it, maybe the telephone might ring. Sometimes it does that. If I could think of something else. If I could think of something else. Maybe if I counted five hundred by fives, it might ring by that time. I'll count slowly. I won't cheat. And if it rings when I get to three hundred, I won't stop; I won't answer it until I get to five hundred. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five, forty, forty-five, fifty. Oh, please ring. Please.

    This is the last time I'll look at the clock. I will not look at it again. It's ten minutes past seven. He said he would telephone at five o'clock. "I'll call you at five, darling." I think that's where he said "darling." I'm almost sure he said it there. I know he called me "darling" twice, and the other time was when he said good-bye. "Good-bye, darling." He was busy, and he can't say much in the office, but he called me "darling" twice. He couldn't have minded my calling him up. I know you shouldn't keep telephoning them? I know they don't like that. When you do that they know you are thinking about them and wanting them, and that makes them hate you. But I hadn't talked to him in three days? not in three days. And all I did was ask him how he was; it was just the way anybody might have called him up. He couldn't have minded that. He couldn't have thought I was bothering him. "No, of course you're not," he said. And he said he'd telephone me.

    He didn't have to say that. I didn't ask him to, truly I didn't. I'm sure I didn't. I don't think he would say he'd telephone me, and then just never do it. Please don't let him do that, God. Please don't.

    "I'll call you at five, darling." "Good-bye, darling." He was busy, and he was in a hurry, and there were people around him, but he called me "darling" twice. That's mine, that's mine. I have that, even if I never see him again. Oh, but that's so little. That isn't enough. Nothing's enough, if I never see him again. Please let me see him again, God. Please, I want him so much. I want him so much. I'll be good, God. I will try to be better, I will, If you will let me see him again. If You will let him telephone me. Oh, let him telephone me now.

    Ah, don't let my prayer seem too little to You, God. You sit up there, so white and old, with all the angels about You and the stars slipping by. And I come to You with a prayer about a telephone call. Ah, don't laugh, God. You see, You don't know how it feels. You're so safe, there on Your throne, with the blue swirling1 under You. Nothing can touch You; no one can twist Your heart in his hands. This is suffering, God, this is bad, bad suffering. Won't You help me? For Your Son's sake, help me. You said You would do whatever was asked of You in His name. Oh, God, in the name of Thine only beloved Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord, let him telephone me now.

    I must stop this. I mustn't be this way. Look. Suppose a young man says he'll call a girl up, and then something happens, and he doesn't. That isn't so terrible, is it? Why, it's going on all over the world, right this minute. Oh, what do I care what's going on all over the world? Why can't that telephone ring? Why can't it, why can't it? Couldn't you ring? Ah, please, couldn't you? You damned3, ugly, shiny thing. It would hurt you to ring, wouldn't it? Oh, that would hurt you. Damn2 you, I'll pull your filthy4 roots out of the wall, I'll smash5 your smug black face in little bits. Damn you to hell.

    No, no, no. I must stop. I must think about something else. This is what I'll do. I'll put the clock in the other room. Then I can't look at it. If I do have to look at it, then I'll have to walk into the bedroom, and that will be something to do. Maybe, before I look at it again, he will call me. I'll be so sweet to him, if he calls me. If he says he can't see me tonight, I'll say, "Why, that's all right, dear. Why, of course it's all right." I'll be the way I was when I first met him. Then maybe he'll like me again. I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it's so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.

    I think he must still like me a little. He couldn't have called me "darling" twice today, if he didn't still like me a little. It isn't all gone, if he still likes me a little; even if it's only a little, little bit. You see, God, if You would just let him telephone me, I wouldn't have to ask You anything more. I would be sweet to him, I would be gay, I would be just the way I used to be, and then he would love me again. And then I would never have to ask You for anything more. Don't You see, God? So won't You please let him telephone me? Won't You please, please, please?

    Are You punishing me, God, because I've been bad? Are You angry with me because I did that? Oh, but, God, there are so many bad people ? You could not be hard only to me. And it wasn't very bad; it couldn't have been bad. We didn't hurt anybody, God. Things are only bad when they hurt people. We didn't hurt one single soul; You know that. You know it wasn't bad, don't You, God? So won't You let him telephone me now?

    If he doesn't telephone me, I'll know God is angry with me. I'll count five hundred by fives, and if he hasn't called me then, I will know God isn't going to help me, ever again. That will be the sign. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five, forty, forty-five, fifty, fifty-five It was bad. I knew it was bad. All right, God, send me to hell. You think You're frightening me with Your hell, don't You? You think. Your hell is worse than mine.

    I mustn't. I mustn't do this. Suppose he's a little late calling me up? that's nothing to get hysterical6 about. Maybe he isn't going to call ?maybe he's coming straight up here without telephoning. He'll be cross if he sees I have been crying. they don't like you to cry. He doesn't cry. I wish to God I could make him cry. I wish I could make him cry and tread7 the floor and feel his heart heavy and big and festering in him. I wish I could hurt him like hell.

    He doesn't wish that about me. I don't think he even knows how he makes me feel. I wish he could know, without my telling him. they don't like you to tell them they've made you cry. They don't like you to tell them you're unhappy because of them. If you do, they think you're possessive and exacting8. And then they hate you. They hate you whenever you say anything you really think. You always have to keep playing little games. Oh, I thought we didn't have to; I thought this was so big I could say whatever I meant. I guess you can't, ever. I guess there isn't ever anything big enough for that. Oh, if he would just telephone, I wouldn't tell him I had been sad about him. They hate sad people. I would be so sweet and so gay, he couldn't help but like me. If he would only telephone. If he would only telephone.

    Maybe that's what he is doing. Maybe he is coming on here without calling me up. Maybe he's on his way now. Something might have happened to him. No, nothing could ever happen to him. I can't picture anything happening to him. I never picture him run over. I never see him lying still and long and dead. I wish he were dead. That's a terrible wish. That's a lovely wish. If he were dead, he would be mine. If he were dead, I would never think of now and the last few weeks. I would remember only the lovely times. It would be all beautiful. I wish he were dead. I wish he were dead, dead, dead.

    This is silly. It's silly to go wishing people were dead just because they don't call you up the very minute they said they would. Maybe the clock's fast; I don't know whether it's right. Maybe he's hardly late at all. Anything could have made him a little late. Maybe he had to stay at his office. Maybe he went home, to call me up from there, and somebody came in. He doesn't like to telephone me in front of people. Maybe he's worried, just a little, little bit, about keeping me waiting. He might even hope that I would call him up. I could do that. I could telephone him.

    I mustn't. I mustn't, I mustn't. Oh, God, please don't let me telephone him. Please keep me from doing that. I know, God, just as well as You do, that if he were worried about me, he'd telephone no matter where he was or how many people there were around him. Please make me know that, God. I don't ask YOU to make it easy for me ? You can't do that, for all that You could make a world. Only let me know it, God. Don't let me go on hoping. Don't let me say comforting things to myself. Please don't let me hope, dear God. Please don't.

    I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you. I should think it would be so sweet to be sure.

    It would be so easy to telephone him. then I'd know. Maybe it wouldn't be a foolish thing to do. Maybe he wouldn't mind. Maybe he'd like it. Maybe he has been trying to get me. Sometimes people try and try to get you on the telephone, and they say the number doesn't answer. I'm not just saying that to help myself; that really happens. You know that really happens, God. Oh, God, keep me away from that telephone. Keep me away. Let me still have just a little bit of pride. I think I'm going to need it, God. I think it will be all I'll have.

    Oh, what does pride matter, when I can't stand it if I don't talk to him? Pride like that is such a silly, shabby little thing. the real pride, the big pride, is in having no pride. I'm not saying that just because I want to call him. I am not. That's true, I know that's true. I will be big. I will be beyond little prides.

    Please, God, keep me from, telephoning him. Please, God.

    I don't see what pride has to do with it. This is such a little thing, for me to be bringing in pride, for me to be making such a fuss9 about. I may have misunderstood him. Maybe he said for me to call him up, at five. "Call me at five, darling." He could have said that, perfectly10 well. It's so possible that I didn't hear him right. "Call me at five, darling." I'm almost sure that's what he said. God, don't let me talk this way to myself. Make me know, please make me know.

    I'll think about something else. I'll just sit quietly. If I could sit still. If I could sit still. Maybe I could read. Oh, all the books are about people who love each other, truly and sweetly. What do they want to write about that for? Don't they know it isn't true? Don't they know it's a lie, it's a God damned lie? What do they have to tell about that for, when they know how it hurts? Damn them, damn them, damn them.

    I won't. I'll be quiet. This is nothing to get excited about. Look. Suppose he were someone I didn't know very well. Suppose he were another girl. Then I'd just telephone and say, "Well, for goodness' sake, what happened to you?" That's what I'd do, and I'd never even think about it. Why can't I be casual and natural, just because I love him? I can be. Honestly, I can be. I'll call him up, and be so easy and pleasant. You see if I won't, God. Oh, don't let me call him. Don't, don't, don't.

    God, aren't You really going to let him call me? Are You sure, God? Couldn't You please relent? Couldn't You? I don't even ask You to let him telephone me this minute, God; only let him do it in a little while. I'll count five hundred by fives. I'll do it so slowly and so fairly. If he hasn't telephoned then, I'll call him. I will. Oh, please, dear God, dear kind God, my blessed Father in Heaven, let him call before then. Please, God. Please.

    Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five.

     6级    心灵鸡汤 
     单词标签: swirling  damn  damned  filthy  smash  hysterical  tread  exacting  fuss  perfectly 


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    1 swirling [swɜ:lɪŋ] Ngazzr   第10级
    v.旋转,打旋( swirl的现在分词 )
    参考例句:
    • Snowflakes were swirling in the air. 天空飘洒着雪花。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
    • She smiled, swirling the wine in her glass. 她微笑着,旋动着杯子里的葡萄酒。 来自辞典例句
    2 damn [dæm] jnyzC   第6级
    int.该死,他妈的;vt.指责,贬斥,诅咒
    参考例句:
    • Damn this useless typewriter? 这台破打字机真该死?
    • I knew damn well what he was going to say. 我非常清楚他要说什么。
    3 damned [dæmd] on0zD   第6级
    a.该死的;打入地狱的
    参考例句:
    • The play was damned by the reviewers. 这部戏被评论家们批评得一无是处。
    • She damned herself with one stupid remark. 她被自己的一句蠢话毁了。
    4 filthy [ˈfɪlθi] ZgOzj   第9级
    adj.卑劣的;恶劣的,肮脏的
    参考例句:
    • The whole river has been fouled up with filthy waste from factories. 整条河都被工厂的污秽废物污染了。
    • You really should throw out that filthy old sofa and get a new one. 你真的应该扔掉那张肮脏的旧沙发,然后再去买张新的。
    5 smash [smæʃ] mxfwJ   第6级
    v.粉碎,打碎;n.轰动的演出,巨大的成功
    参考例句:
    • We heard the smash of plates breaking in the kitchen. 我们听到厨房里盘子破碎的声音。
    • The gifted author wrote one smash after another. 这个天才作家创作了一篇又一篇轰动一时的作品。
    6 hysterical [hɪˈsterɪkl] 7qUzmE   第9级
    adj.情绪异常激动的,歇斯底里般的
    参考例句:
    • He is hysterical at the sight of the photo. 他一看到那张照片就异常激动。
    • His hysterical laughter made everybody stunned. 他那歇斯底里的笑声使所有的人不知所措。
    7 tread [tred] tmSwm   第6级
    vi.踩;行走;vt.踩烂(出);n.胎面,脚步声
    参考例句:
    • A policeman walked by with a slow, measured tread. 一名警察迈着小心的步子慢慢走过。
    • We heard father's tread on the steps. 我们听到台阶上父亲的脚步声。
    8 exacting [ɪgˈzæktɪŋ] VtKz7e   第9级
    adj.苛求的,要求严格的
    参考例句:
    • He must remember the letters and symbols with exacting precision. 他必须以严格的精度记住每个字母和符号。
    • The public has been more exacting in its demands as time has passed. 随着时间的推移,公众的要求更趋严格。
    9 fuss [fʌs] Ifkz4   第6级
    n.过分关心,过分体贴,大惊小怪,小题大作
    参考例句:
    • My mother makes a fuss of me every time I come home. 我每次回家,母亲总对我体贴备至。
    • Stop all this fuss and do your homework. 别大惊小怪了,去做你的家庭作业吧。
    10 perfectly [ˈpɜ:fɪktli] 8Mzxb   第8级
    adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地
    参考例句:
    • The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said. 证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
    • Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board. 我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。

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