My father was a St. Bernard, my mother was a collie, but I am a Presbyterian. This is what my mother told me, I do not know these nice distinctions myself. To me they are only fine large words meaning nothing. My mother had a fondness for such; she liked to say them, and see other dogs look surprised and envious¹, as wondering how she got so much education. But, indeed, it was not real education; it was only show: she got the words by listening in the dining-room and drawing-room when there was company, and by going with the children to Sunday-school and listening there; and whenever she heard a large word she said it over to herself many times, and so was able to keep it until there was a dogmatic gathering² in the neighborhood, then she would get it off, and surprise and distress³ them all, from pocket-pup to mastiff, which rewarded her for all her trouble. If there was a stranger he was nearly sure to be suspicious, and when he got his breath again he would ask her what it meant. And she always told him. He was never expecting this but thought he would catch her; so when she told him, he was the one that looked ashamed, whereas he had thought it was going to be she. The others were always waiting for this, and glad of it and proud of her, for they knew what was going to happen, because they had had experience. When she told the meaning of a big word they were all so taken up with admiration⁴ that it never occurred to any dog to doubt if it was the right one; and that was natural, because, for one thing, she answered up so promptly⁵ that it seemed like a dictionary speaking, and for another thing, where could they find out whether it was right or not? for she was the only cultivated dog there was. By and by, when I was older, she brought home the word Unintellectual, one time, and worked it pretty hard all the week at different gatherings⁶, making much unhappiness and despondency; and it was at this time that I noticed that during that week she was asked for the meaning at eight different assemblages, and flashed out a fresh definition every time, which showed me that she had more presence of mind than culture, though I said nothing, of course. She had one word which she always kept on hand, and ready, like a life-preserver, a kind of emergency word to strap⁷ on when she was likely to get washed overboard in a sudden way -- that was the word Synonymous. When she happened to fetch out a long word which had had its day weeks before and its prepared meanings gone to her dump-pile, if there was a stranger there of course it knocked him groggy⁸ for a couple of minutes, then he would come to, and by that time she would be away down wind on another tack⁹, and not expecting anything; so when he'd hail and ask her to cash in, I (the only dog on the inside of her game) could see her canvas flicker¹⁰ a moment -- but only just a moment -- then it would belly¹¹ out taut¹² and full, and she would say, as calm as a summer's day, "It's synonymous with supererogation," or some godless long reptile¹³ of a word like that, and go placidly¹⁴ about and skim away on the next tack, perfectly¹⁵ comfortable, you know, and leave that stranger looking profane¹⁶ and embarrassed, and the initiated¹⁷ slatting the floor with their tails in unison¹⁸ and their faces transfigured with a holy joy.

And it was the same with phrases. She would drag home a whole phrase, if it had a grand sound, and play it six nights and two matinees, and explain it a new way every time -- which she had to, for all she cared for was the phrase; she wasn't interested in what it meant, and knew those dogs hadn't wit enough to catch her, anyway. Yes, she was a daisy! She got so she wasn't afraid of anything, she had such confidence in the ignorance of those creatures. She even brought anecdotes¹⁹ that she had heard the family and the dinner-guests laugh and shout over; and as a rule she got the nub of one chestnut²⁰ hitched²¹ onto another chestnut, where, of course, it didn't fit and hadn't any point; and when she delivered the nub she fell over and rolled on the floor and laughed and barked in the most insane way, while I could see that she was wondering to herself why it didn't seem as funny as it did when she first heard it. But no harm was done; the others rolled and barked too, privately²² ashamed of themselves for not seeing the point, and never suspecting that the fault was not with them and there wasn't any to see.

You can see by these things that she was of a rather vain and frivolous²³ character; still, she had virtues²⁴, and enough to make up, I think. She had a kind heart and gentle ways, and never harbored resentments²⁵ for injuries done her, but put them easily out of her mind and forgot them; and she taught her children her kindly²⁶ way, and from her we learned also to be brave and prompt in time of danger, and not to run away, but face the peril²⁷ that threatened friend or stranger, and help him the best we could without stopping to think what the cost might be to us. And she taught us not by words only, but by example, and that is the best way and the surest and the most lasting²⁸. Why, the brave things she did, the splendid things! she was just a soldier; and so modest about it -- well, you couldn't help admiring her, and you couldn't help imitating her; not even a King Charles spaniel could remain entirely²⁹ despicable in her society. So, as you see, there was more to her than her education.

我的父亲是个“圣伯尔纳种”，我的母亲是个“柯利种”，可是我是个“长老会教友”。我母亲是这样给我说的。这些微妙的区别我自己并不知道。在我看起来，这些名称都不过是些派头十足可是毫无意义的字眼。我母亲很爱这一套。她喜欢说这些，还喜欢看看别的狗显出惊讶和忌妒的神气，好像在惊讶她为什么受过这么多教育似的。可是这其实并不是什么真正的教育，不过是故意卖弄罢了：她是在吃饭的屋子里和会客室里有人谈话的时候在旁边听，又和孩子们到主日学校去，在那儿听，才把这些名词学会的。每逢她听到了一些深奥的字眼，她就翻来覆去地背好几遍，所以她能把它们记住，等后来在附近一带开起讲学间的会来，她就把它们搬出来唬人，叫别的狗通通吃一惊，而且不好受，从小狗儿一直到猛狗都让她唬住了，这就使她没有枉费那一番心血。要是有外人，他差不多一定要怀疑起来，他在大吃一惊、喘过气来之后，就要问她那是什么意思。她每次都答复人家。这是他决没有料得到的，原来他以为可以把她难住；所以她给他解释之后，他反而显得很难为情，虽然他原来还以为难为情的会是她。其他的狗都等着这个结局，而且很高兴，很替她得意，因为他们都有过经验，早知道结局会是怎样。她把一串深奥字眼的意思告诉人家的时候，大家都羡慕得要命，随便哪只狗也不会想到怀疑这个解释究竟对不对。这也是很自然的，因为第一呢，她回答得非常快，就好像是字典说起话来了似地，还有呢，他们上哪儿去弄得清楚这究竟对不对呀？因为有教养的狗就只有她一个，后来我长大一些的时候，有一次她把“缺乏智力”这几个字记熟了，并且在整整一个星期里的各种集会上拼命地卖弄，使人很难受、很丧气。就是那一次，我发现在那一个星期之内，她在八个不同的集会上被人问到这几个字的意思，每次她都冲口而出地说了一个新的解释，这就使我看出了她与其说是有学问，还不如说是沉得住气，不过我当然并没有说什么。她有一个名词经常现成地挂在嘴上，像个救命圈似的，用来应付紧急关头，有时候猛不提防她有了被冲下船去的危险，她就把它套在身上——那就是“同义词”这个名词。当她碰巧搬出几个星期以前卖弄过的一串深奥的字眼来，可是她把原来准备的解释忘到九霄云外去了的时候，要是有个生客在场，那当然就要被她弄得头昏眼花，过一两分钟之后才清醒过来，这时候她可是调转了方向，又顺着风往另外一段路程上飘出去了，料不到会有什么问题，所以客人忽然招呼她，请她解释解释的时候，我就看得出她的帆篷松了一会儿劲（我是惟一明白她那套把戏的底细的狗）——可是那也只耽搁了一会儿——然后马上就鼓起了风，鼓得满满的，她就像夏天那样平静地说道，“那是‘额外工作’的同义词”，或是说出与此类似的吓坏人的一长串字，说罢就逍遥自在地走开，轻飘飘地又赶另一段路程去了。她简直是非常称心如意，你知道吧，她把那位生客摔在那儿，显得土头土脑、狼狈不堪，那些内行就一致把尾巴在地板上敲，他们脸上也改变了神气，显出一副欢天喜地的样子。

关于成语也是一样。要是有什么特别好听的成语，她就带回一整句来，卖弄六个晚上、两个白天，每次都用一种新的说法解释它——她也不得不这么办，因为她所注意的只是那句成语；至于那是什么意思，她可不大在乎，而且她也知道那些狗反正没有什么脑筋，抓不着她的错。咳，她才真是个了不起的角色哩！她这一套弄得非常拿手，所以她一点也不担心，她对于那些糊涂虫的无知无识，是有十分把握的。她甚至还把她听到这家人和吃饭的客人说得哈哈大笑的小故事也记住一些；可是照例她老是把一个笑话里面的精彩地方胡凑到另外一个里面去，而且当然是凑得并不合适，简直莫明其妙；她说到这种地方的时候，就倒在地板上打滚，大笑大叫，就像发了疯似的，可是我看得出她自己也不明白为什么她说的并不像她当初听见人家说的时候那么有趣。不过这并不要紧；别的狗也都打起滚来，并且汪汪大叫，个个心里都暗自为了没有听懂而害臊，根本就不会猜想到过错不在他们，而是谁也看不出这里面的毛病。

从这些事情，你可以知道她是个相当受面子和不老实的角色；可是她还是有些长处，我觉得那是足以与她的缺点相抵的。她的心眼儿很好，态度也很文雅，人家有什么对不住她的事，她从来就不记恨，老是随随便便不把它放在心上，一下子就忘了；她还教她的孩子们学她那种好脾气，我们还从她那儿学会了在危急的时候表现得勇敢和敏捷，决不逃跑，无论是朋友或是生人遭到了危险，我们都要大胆地承当下来，尽力帮助人家，根本不考虑自己要付出多大的代价。而且她教我们还不是光凭嘴说，而是自己做出榜样来，这是最好的办法，最有把握，最经得久。啊，她干的那些勇敢的事和漂亮的事可真了不起！她真能算是一个勇士；而且她还非常谦虚——总而言之，你不能不佩服她，你也不能不学她的榜样；哪怕是一只“查理士王种”的长耳狗和她在一起，也不能老是完全瞧不起她。所以，您也知道，她除了有教养而外，还是有些别的长处哩。