THERE WOULD BE NO TRUCK, Karim told us after we’d spent a week in the rat-infested basement. The truck was beyond repair. 我们在地下室与老鼠做伴一个星期之后，卡林说没有卡车了，卡车没法修。

“There is another option,” Karim said, his voice rising amid the groans¹. His cousin owned a fuel truck and had smuggled² people with it a couple of times. He was here in Jalalabad and could probably fit us all. “还有另外的选择，”卡林说，在一片哀叹之中，他提高了声音。他的堂兄有辆油罐车，曾经用它偷运过几次旅客。他就在这里，在贾拉拉巴特，也许可以装下我们所有人。

Everyone except an elderly couple decided³ to go. 除了一对老年夫妻，其他人都决定上路。

We left that night, Baba and I, Kamal and his father, the others. Karim and his cousin, a square-faced balding man named Aziz, helped us get into the fuel tank. One by one, we mounted the idling truck’s rear deck, climbed the rear access ladder, and slid down into the tank. I remember Baba climbed halfway⁴ up the ladder, hopped⁵ back down and fished the snuffbox from his pocket. He emptied the box and picked up a handful of dirt from the middle of the unpaved road. He kissed the dirt. Poured it into the box. Stowed the box in his breast pocket, next to his heart. 那晚我们离开，爸爸和我，卡莫和他的父亲，还有其他人。卡林和他的堂兄阿吉兹，一个方脸秃顶的汉子，帮助我们进入油罐。汽车发动了，停在那里，我们挨个爬上油罐车的后踏板，爬上后面那条梯子，滑进油罐。我记得爸爸爬到一半，从梯子一跃而下，从口袋里掏出烟盒。他把盒子清空，从土路中央抓起一把灰泥。他亲吻泥土，把它放进盒子，把盒子放进胸前的口袋，贴着他的心。

PANIC. 惊惶。

You open your mouth. Open it so wide your jaws⁶ creak. You order your lungs to draw air, NOW, you need air, need it NOW But your airways⁷ ignore you. They collapse⁸, tighten⁹, squeeze, and suddenly you’re breathing through a drinking straw. Your mouth closes and your lips purse and all you can manage is a strangled croak¹⁰. Your hands wriggle¹¹ and shake. Somewhere a dam has cracked open and a flood of cold sweat spills, drenches¹² your body. You want to scream. You would if you could. But you have to breathe to scream. 你张开嘴巴，张得大大的，连腭骨都咯咯作响。你下令自己的肺吸进空气，如今，你需要空气，现在就需要。但是你肺里的气道不听使唤，它们坍塌，收紧，压缩，突然之间，你只能用一根吸管呼吸。你的嘴巴闭上，嘴唇抿紧，你所能做的，只是发出一阵窒息的咳嗽。你双手抽搐，晃动。身体里似乎某个地方有座水坝决堤，冰冷的汗水汹涌而出，浸湿你的身体。你想哭喊。如果你能，一定喊出声来。可是你必须吸气才能哭喊。

Panic. 惊惶。

The basement had been dark. The fuel tank was pitch-black. I looked right, left, up, down, waved my hands before my eyes, didn’t see so much as a hint of movement. I blinked, blinked again. Nothing at all. The air wasn’t right, it was too thick, almost solid. Air wasn’t supposed to be solid. I wanted to reach out with my hands, crush the air into little pieces, stuff them down my windpipe. And the stench of gasoline. My eyes stung from the fumes¹³, like someone had peeled my lids back and rubbed a lemon on them. My nose caught fire with each breath. You could die in a place like this, I thought. A scream was coming. Coming, coming... 地下室已经够暗了，油罐更是不见天日。我右看，左看，上看，下看，伸手在眼前挥动，可是什么也见不到。我眨眼，再眨眼，不见五指。空气不对劲，它太厚重了，几乎是固态的。空气不应该是固态的。我很想伸出手，把空气捏成碎片，把它们塞进我的气管。还有汽油的味道，油气刺痛我的眼睛，好像有人拉开我的眼皮，拿个柠檬在上面摩擦。每次呼吸都让我的鼻子火辣辣的。我会死在这样的地方，我想。尖叫就要来了，来了，来了……

And then a small miracle. Baba tugged¹⁴ at my sleeve and some thing glowed green in the dark. Light! Baba’s wristwatch. I kept my eyes glued to those fluorescent¹⁵ green hands. I was so afraid I’d lose them, I didn’t dare blink. 接着出现了小小的神迹。爸爸卷起我的衣袖，有个东西在黑暗中发出绿光。光芒!爸爸送的手表。我的眼睛盯着那萤绿的指针。我害怕会失去它们，我不敢眨眼。

Slowly I became aware of my surroundings. I heard groans and muttered prayers. I heard a baby cry, its mother’s muted soothing¹⁶. Someone retched. Someone else cursed the Shorawi. The truck bounced side to side, up and down. Heads banged against metal. 慢慢地，我对周边的景况有所知觉。我听到呻吟声，还有祷告声。我听到一个婴儿哭喊，母亲在低声安抚。有人作呕，有人咒骂俄国佬。卡车左右摇晃，上下颠簸。大家的头撞上金属板。

“Think of something good,” Baba said in my ear. “Something happy.” “想着一些美好的事情，”爸爸在我耳边说，“快乐的事情。”

Something good. Something happy. I let my mind wander. I let it come: 美好的事情，快乐的事情。我放任自己思绪翻飞，浮现出来的是：