Friday afternoon in Paghman. An open field of grass speckled with mulberry trees in blossom. Hassan and I stand ankle-deep in untamed grass, I am tugging¹ on the line, the spool² spinning in Hassan’s calloused³ hands, our eyes turned up to the kite in the sky. Not a word passes between us, not because we have nothing to say, but because we don’t have to say anything--that’s how it is between people who are each other’s first memories, people who have fed from the same breast. A breeze stirs the grass and Hassan lets the spool roll. The kite spins, dips, steadies. Our twin shadows dance on the rippling⁴ grass. From somewhere over the low brick wall at the other end of the field, we hear chatter⁵ and laughter and the chirping⁶ of a water fountain. And music, some thing old and familiar, I think it’s Ya Mowlah on rubab strings⁷. Someone calls our names over the wall, says it’s time for tea and cake. 星期五下午，在帕格曼。一片开阔的草地，上面有繁花满枝头的桑椹树。哈桑和我坐在浅及脚踝的野草上，我拉着线，卷轴在哈桑长满老茧的手里滚动，我们的眼睛望着天空中的风筝。我们默默无声，但并非因为我们无话可说，而是因为我们之间无需交谈——那些自出世就认识、喝着同样奶水长大的人就是这样。和风拂过草丛，哈桑放着线。风筝旋转，降下，又稳定了。我们的影子双双，在波动的草丛上跳舞。草地那端，越过那低矮的砖墙，某个地方传来谈话声、笑声，和泉水的潺潺声。还有音乐，古老而熟悉的曲调，我想那是雷巴布琴［1］Rubab，阿富汗民族乐器。［1］演奏的《莫拉曲》。墙那边有人喊我们的名字，说到时间喝茶吃点心了。

I didn’t remember what month that was, or what year even. I only knew the memory lived in me, a perfectly⁸ encapsulated morsel⁹ of a good past, a brushstroke of color on the gray, barren canvas that our lives had become. 我不记得那是何年何月的事情。我只知道记忆与我同在，将美好的往事完美地浓缩起来，如同一笔浓墨重彩，涂抹在我们那已经变得灰白单调的生活画布上。

THE REST OF THAT RIDE is scattered¹⁰ bits and pieces of memory that come and go, most of it sounds and smells: MiGs roaring past overhead; staccatos of gunfire; a donkey braying¹¹ nearby; the jingling¹² of bells and mewling of sheep; gravel¹³ crushed under the truck’s tires; a baby wailing¹⁴ in the dark; the stench of gasoline, vomit¹⁶, and shit. 剩下的路程只在脑海里留下零零碎碎、时隐时现的记忆，多数跟声音和味道有关：米格战斗机在头顶轰鸣；断断续续的枪声；旁边有驴子昂昂叫；一阵铃铛的声音和羊群的咩咩叫；车轮压上沙砾的响声；黑暗中婴孩的哭嚎；汽油、呕吐物和粪便的臭味。

What I remember next is the blinding light of early morning as I climbed out of the fuel tank. I remember turning my face up to the sky, squinting¹⁷, breathing like the world was running out of air. I lay on the side of the dirt road next to a rocky trench¹⁸, looked up to the gray morning sky, thankful for air, thankful for light, thankful to be alive. 接下来我还记得的，是爬出油罐之后清早耀眼的光线。我记得自己抬脸向天，眯着眼睛，大口呼吸，仿佛世间的空气即将用完。我躺在泥土路一边，下面是怪石嶙峋的坑壕，我望着清晨灰蒙蒙的天空，为空气感恩，为光芒感恩，为仍活着感恩。

“We’re in Pakistan, Amir,” Baba said. He was standing¹⁹ over me. “Karim says he will call for a bus to take us to Peshawar.” “我们在巴基斯坦，阿米尔。”爸爸说，他站在我身边，“卡林说他会唤来巴士，把我们送到白沙瓦。”

I rolled onto my chest, still lying on the cool dirt, and saw our suitcases on either side of Baba’s feet. Through the upside down V between his legs, I saw the truck idling on the side of the road, the other refugees climbing down the rear ladder. Beyond that, the dirt road unrolled through fields that were like leaden sheets under the gray sky and disappeared behind a line of bowl-shaped hills. Along the way, it passed a small village strung out atop a sun baked slope. 我翻过身，仍趴在冰冷的泥土上，看到爸爸脚下两边放着我们的行李箱。从他双腿间的三角形望去，我看到油罐车停在路边，其他逃难的人正从后面的梯子下来。更远处，大地在灰蒙的天空下宛如铅板，土路伸延而去，消失在一排碗状的山丘之后。有座小小的村落沿着马路，悬挂在向阳的山坡上。

My eyes returned to our suitcases. They made me sad for Baba. After everything he’d built, planned, fought for, fretted²⁰ over, dreamed of, this was the summation²¹ of his life: one disappointing son and two suitcases. 我把眼光转回我们的行李箱，它们让我替爸爸感到难过。在他打造、谋划、奋斗、烦恼、梦想了一切之后，他的生命只剩下这么点东西：一个不争气的儿子和两个手提箱。

Someone was screaming. No, not screaming. Wailing. I saw the passengers huddled²² in a circle, heard their urgent voices. Someone said the word “fumes²³.” Someone else said it too. The wail¹⁵ turned into a throat-ripping screech²⁴. 有人在哭喊。不，不是哭喊，是哀嚎。我看到旅客围成一团，听到他们焦急的声音。有人说了一个字:“油气。”有人也说了。哀嚎变成撕心裂肺的惨叫。

Baba and I hurried to the pack of onlookers²⁵ and pushed our way through them. Kamal’s father was sitting cross-legged in the center of the circle, rocking back and forth²⁶, kissing his son’s ashen²⁷ face. 爸爸跟我匆忙走到那堆围观者身边，推开他们，走上前去。卡莫的父亲盘腿坐在围观的人群中间，身体前后摇晃，亲吻着他儿子死灰的脸。

“He won’t breathe! My boy won’t breathe!” he was crying. Kamal’s lifeless body lay on his father’s lap. His right hand, uncurled and limp, bounced to the rhythm of his father’s sobs²⁸. “My boy! He won’t breathe! Allah, help him breathe!” “他没气了!我的儿子没气了!”他哭喊着。卡莫毫无生气的身体躺在他父亲的膝盖上，他的右手软软垂着，随着他父亲的哭泣来回抖动。“我的孩子!他没气了!安拉，帮帮他，让他活过来!”

Baba knelt beside him and curled an arm around his shoulder. But Kamal’s father shoved him away and lunged for Karim who was standing nearby with his cousin. What happened next was too fast and too short to be called a scuffle. Karim uttered a surprised cry and backpedaled. I saw an arm swing, a leg kick. A moment later, Kamal’s father was standing with Karim’s gun in his hand. 爸爸在他身边跪下，伸手揽住他的肩膀。但卡莫的父亲把他推开，冲向跟他堂兄站在旁边的卡林。接着发生的事情太快、太短，甚至不能称之为扭打。卡林吃惊地大叫，朝后退去。我看见一只手挥舞，一只脚踢出。过了一会儿，卡莫的父亲手里拿着卡林的手枪站着。

“Don’t shoot me!” Karim cried. “别杀我!”卡林哭喊。

But before any of us could say or do a thing, Kamal’s father shoved the barrel in his own mouth. I’ll never forget the echo of that blast. Or the flash of light and the spray of red. 但我们所有人还来不及说什么或者做什么，卡莫的父亲将枪口伸进自己的嘴里。我永远不会忘记那声回荡的枪响，不会忘记那一道闪光和溅出的血红。

I doubled over again and dry-heaved on the side of the road. 我又弯下腰，在路边干呕。