I grew up in an affluent¹ area. Most kids owned multiple Cabbage Patch dolls and Gear bags and pairs of Jordache jeans (not to mention the beloved Atari 2600). I certainly had enough, but it felt like all of my peers possessed² more. I wanted Benetton sweaters and a cool bike. I wanted to take trips to Mexico over Christmas break and come back with a bronze tan. I wanted to impress people with a fancy car, not the red Datsun 510 parked in our driveway.

我在富人区长大，那里的孩子差不多都有好几个椰菜娃娃、好几个户外装备包和好几条Jordache牌子的牛仔裤（更不用说让人爱不释手的雅达利2600游戏机了）。我的东西当然不算少，但我还是觉得别的孩子比我东西多。我想要一件贝纳通毛衣和一辆很酷的自行车，我想在圣诞节去墨西哥玩，把全身晒成古铜色。我还想要一辆惊艳四邻的炫酷轿车，而不是停在我家车道上的那辆红色Datsun 510。

As I got older, I didn't merely crave³ material items-I wanted freedom. On weekends, my friends' parents left them alone in their apartments while they went elsewhere. I was never left unattended until I went to college. My friends had no curfew. I had to be home by midnight. Plus, my mom watched me like a hawk⁴.

随着年龄渐长，我就不再只追求物质上的东西，我还想要自由。我的朋友们每到周末就有机会在父母外出的时候单独在家，可我在上大学以前从没有“独守空房”的时候。我的朋友多晚回家都没事，我必须在晚上12点前到家，还有，我妈妈看管我像看管犯人一样。

As a teenager, I felt humiliated⁵, uncool, and angry. Why couldn't my mom just be like the other parents? In my world, one was popular if she had the right haircut and could stay out late. My mom, however, refused to budge⁶. She stuck to her guns, and I begrudged⁷ her throughout my adolescence⁸.

我那时候青春年少，觉得自己没面子，是个土妞，我感到很生气。为什么我妈就不能像别人父母那样呢？在我眼里，如果一个女孩子发型正点，能在外面待到很晚才回家，她就会很受欢迎。但我妈在这点上拒绝让步，不容半点讨价还价的余地，这让我在整个青春期都十分记恨她。

Fast-forward some 25 years. Now I'm the parent and I get to decide the rules. Do I buy Uggs for my preschooler? Should my fifth grader get the new iPhone 5? Will I allow my daughter to walk home from school with the other kids? Is she old enough to roam the mall solo?

看看25年后的我，有了自己的孩子，成了定规矩的人了。我会给没上学的孩子买Ugg雪地靴吗？我会给上五年级的孩子买新款iPhone 5吗？我会让自己女儿和其他同学一起从学校走回家吗？她到了可以独自一人逛商场的年龄了吗？

It isn't especially hard for my husband and I to decide what we think are the right choices for our children. No, the challenge is having to deal with the unhappy child when he/she doesn't get what he/she wants, especially when the other kids do.

我和丈夫都觉得，让我们决定哪些事情孩子该做，哪些不该做，这不太难。难就难在自己孩子想要的东西得不到，别的孩子却能得到，孩子不高兴了怎么办？

As a parent, this battle has been going on a long time. In her pre-school class, several of my daughter's little friends wore Ugg boots. When I got a hand-me-down knock-off pair, my daughter turned up her nose. 'These aren't Uggs, ' she snapped. '

为人父母的我们很早就遇到了这种情况。在女儿上学前，她的几个幼儿园小朋友都穿着Ugg的靴子。当我拿回家一双山寨版的旧靴子时，女儿十分不屑，恼怒地说：这不是Ugg的鞋。

'Huh?' I said.

我很诧异：啊？

Her response floored me. 'Real Uggs have the name on the back. The kids in school told me mine aren't real.'

她的回答让我不知所措。女儿说：真的Ugg商标是在鞋后面，小朋友都说我的鞋是假的。

This was hardly an aberration⁹. Were I to record a montage of my children's responses after hearing the word 'No, ' it would sound something like this: 'But why can't we watch YouTube videos? Why can't I have a cell phone? Why can't I have my fifth dessert? Why can't we drink soda, have a video game, stay up later, join the country club, ... ' Inevitably¹⁰ the response to my retort is, 'But all the other kids are allowed.'

这种情况简直司空见惯。如果把孩子在听到我和丈夫说“不”之后的反应记录下来，拼在一起，那听起来应该是这样的：为什么我们不能在YouTube上看视频？为什么我不能有手机？为什么我不能吃第五个甜点？为什么不能喝汽水？为什么不能玩视频游戏？为什么不能晚睡？为什么不能加入乡村俱乐部？等等等等。我一解释，他们肯定又会说：那怎么别的孩子就可以？

When my kids were young, it was a manageable backlash. But now, as they age, the pressure to fit in grows exponentially and so does the parenting pressure. Sometimes I just want to take the easy route. I want to give in. Parenting is exhausting and why fight the little stuff? But then I realize, not being able to stand my ground on soda will make it so much harder to hang tough about the bigger issues like Internet safety and dating.

孩子小的时候，虽然他们不乐意，做父母的还能管得了。可随着孩子慢慢长大，与他们融洽相处的难度明显增加，教育子女的压力也加大了。有时候我想，怎么省事怎么来吧，由他们去吧，做父母本来就让人筋疲力尽，干嘛为这点小事吵架？可每到这时候我就意识到，汽水事小，原则事大，如果在汽水问题上不能坚持原则，以后碰到网络安全和约会这种大事情，岂不是更难要求孩子了？

Although I couldn't see it as a child, I now realize how amazing my mom was all those years ago. She knew what she thought was best and she didn't care if I hated her for it. That's strong parenting.

虽然自己小的时候不能明白其中的道理，但现在我知道了，我妈当年真够牛的。她知道什么对我最好，根本不在乎我恨不恨她，这是虎妈式的教育。

My childhood disappointments and restrictions¹¹ actually taught me valuable life lessons that I am trying to pass on to my kids.

童年时的种种失意和约束实际上是我人生的宝贵课程，现在我要把这一课传授给我的孩子。

Not getting every fad¹² item taught me to work to afford what I wanted. I also learned to budget my money. Often once my mom said no, I realized I didn't really want the item that badly. As an adult, I still don't need a lot of 'in' things. I much prefer to save my money for something I really want or need.

当我得不到自己想要的时髦物件，我就知道必须为此努力工作。我还学会了给自己理财。很多时候，只要妈妈说不，我就会发现自己其实并不那么想要那件东西。长大成人后，我依然不需要那么多“入时”的玩意儿，我更愿意攒钱买自己确实想要或需要的东西。

I learned that even though some kids had all the stuff and freedoms I craved¹³, they came at a price. People sometimes make poor choices with money. They buy things they can't really afford and run up large debts so they can fit in.

我还知道，即便一些小伙伴拥有我当时梦寐以求的所有东西和自由，那也是付出代价的。手上有了钱，人们有时会做出不明智的选择，购买超出自己承受能力的东西，让自己债台高筑。

Lastly, I learned that having every desired item doesn't me one happy. There are other ways for me to be fulfilled. I am gratified by working, helping¹⁴ a neighbor, being a good friend, cooking, drawing with chalk in the driveway, and playing the piano beside my daughter. I think this kind of happiness was learned in childhood.

最后我还明白了一点，一个人拥有了所有渴求的东西，并不一定快乐。有很多别的事情会让我感觉充实。我努力工作，帮邻居的忙，对朋友有情有义，烹饪美食，用粉笔在自家车库前的空地上画画，坐在女儿身旁弹钢琴，这些都让我很开心。我觉得这种开心与我小时候的家庭教育是分不开的。

The peer pressure your child encounters in school to have the 'in' item or the latest technology or the most freedom turns into parenting peer pressure. What is hardest for me is that I know how my children will feel when I say no. It hurts. They won't understand it. They will be angry and will direct that at me.

当你的孩子在学校里和人攀比时髦商品、最新的电子产品或是最大的自由空间时，孩子会感受到来自同龄人的压力，这种压力又会转移到父母身上。对我来说，最难的是我知道自己说“不”之后孩子心里的感受，这会让我难过。孩子不会理解，他们会生气，会把气撒在我身上。

I just have to remind myself that sometimes the best lessons are the most painful.

我只能提醒自己，有时候，最宝贵的经验是用最痛苦的经历换来的。