“Good. I’ll tell you,” he said. “I spent some time in jail, at Poleh-Charkhi, just after Babrak Karmal took over in 1980. I ended up there one night, when a group of Parc hami soldiers marched into our house and ordered my father and me at gun point to follow them. The bastards¹ didn’t give a reason, and they wouldn’t answer my mother’s questions. Not that it was a mys tery; everyone knew the communists had no class. They came from poor families with no name. The same dogs who weren’t fit to lick my shoes before the Shorawi came were now ordering me at gunpoint, Parchami flag on their lapels, making their little point about the fall of the bourgeoisie and acting² like they were the ones with class. It was happening all over: Round up the rich, throw them in jail, make an example for the comrades.

“很好，我来告诉你。 ”他说，“我在监狱里面度过了一段时间，在波勒卡其区， 1980年，就在巴布拉克 ?卡尔迈勒 [BabrakKarmal（1929～1996）， 1979年至 1986年任阿富汗总统]掌权之后不久。我被逮捕那天晚上，一群士兵冲进我家，用枪口指着父亲和我，勒令我们跟他们走。那些混蛋连个理由都没说，也不回答我母亲的问题。那也不算什么秘密，谁都知道新政府仇恨有钱人。他们出身贫贱，就是这些狗，俄国佬打进来之前连舔我的鞋子都不配，现在用枪口指着我，向我下令。他们手臂别着新政府的旗帜，胡言乱语说什么有钱人统统该死，仿佛他们翻身的日子到了一样。到处都是这样的事情，冲进富人家里，将他们投入监狱，给志同道合者树立起榜样。”

“Anyway, we were crammed³ in groups of six in these tiny cells each the size of a refrigerator. Every night the commandant, a haif-Hazara, half-Uzbek thing who smelled like a rotting donkey, would have one of the prisoners dragged out of the cell and he’d beat him until sweat poured from his fat face. Then he’d light a cigarette, crack his joints⁴, and leave. The next night, he’d pick someone else. One night, he picked me. It couldn’t have come at a worse time. I’d been peeing blood for three days. Kidney stones. And if you’ve never had one, believe me when I say it’s the worst imaginable pain. My mother used to get them too, and I remember she told me once she’d rather give birth than pass a kidney stone. Anyway, what could I do? They dragged me out and he started kick ing me. He had knee-high boots with steel toes that he wore every night for his little kicking game, and he used them on me. I was screaming and screaming and he kept kicking me and then, suddenly, he kicked me on the left kidney and the stone passed. Just like that! Oh, the relief!” Assef laughed. “And I yelled ‘Allah-u akbar’ and he kicked me even harder and I started laughing. He got mad and hit me harder, and the harder he kicked me, the harder I laughed. They threw me back in the cell laughing. I kept laughing and laughing because suddenly I knew that had been a message from God: He was on my side. He wanted me to live for a reason.

“不管怎么说，我们六人一组，被塞在冰箱大小的牢房里。每天晚上，有个军官，一个半哈扎拉、半乌兹别克的东西，身上发出烂驴子的臭味，会将一个犯人拖出牢房，恣意殴打，直到那张肥脸滴着汗水方才罢休。然后他会点香烟，舒展筋骨，走出监狱。进去那夜，他选了别人。有一晚，他挑中我。真是糟糕透顶，我那时患了肾结石，尿了三天血。如果你没得过肾结石，请相信我，那是你所能想像到的痛苦中最厉害的一种。我妈妈过去也患过，我记得有一次，她对我说，她宁愿生孩子，也好过得肾结石。但是，我能做什么呢？他们将我拖出去，他开始踢我。他穿有铁鞋尖的及膝长靴，每天晚上都到这里来玩踢人游戏。他也用它们踢我。他不断踢，我不断惨叫，突然之间，他踢中我的左肾，结石被挤出来了。就是那样！啊，解脱！”阿塞夫大笑，“我高喊‘真主伟大’，他踢得更加厉害了，我开始哈哈大笑。他气得发疯，使劲踢我；但他踢得越重，我笑得越响。他们将我扔回牢房的时候，我仍在发笑。我笑个不停，因为突然之间，我得到了真主的指示：他就在我身上。他要我为了某个目标活下去。”

“You know, I ran into that commandant on the battlefield a few years later--funny how God works. I found him in a trench⁵ just outside Meymanah, bleeding from a piece of shrapnel in his chest. He was still wearing those same boots. I asked him if he remembered me. He said no. I told him the same thing I just told you, that I never forget a face. Then I shot him in the balls. I’ve been on a mission since.”

“你知道吗，隔了几年，我在战场撞见那个军官——真主的行为真是幽默。我在梅曼那[Meymanah，阿富汗西北部省份法里亚布（ Faryab）首府 ]附近的战壕找到他，胸口插着一块弹片，流血不止。他还是穿着那双靴子。我问记不记得我，他说不记得了。我把刚才告诉你的跟他说了，我从来不会忘记人们的脸。我开枪射他的睾丸。自那以后，我就有了使命。”

“What mission is that?” I heard myself say. “Stoning adulterers? Raping⁶ children? Flogging women for wearing high heels? Massacring Hazaras? All in the name of Islam?” The words spilled suddenly and unexpectedly, came out before I could yank the leash⁷. I wished I could take them back. Swallow them. But they were out. I had crossed a line, and whatever little hope I had of getting out alive had vanished with those words.

“什么使命？”我听见自己说，“对偷情的人扔石头？强奸儿童？鞭打穿高跟鞋的妇女？屠杀哈扎拉人？而这一切都以伊斯兰的名义？”突然间，始料不及的是，我还没来得及勒住缰绳，这些话就统统跑出来。我希望我能将它们抓回来，吞下肚。但它们跑出来了。我越线了，活着走出这间房子的希望随着这些话溜走。

A look of surprise passed across Assef’s face, briefly⁸, and disappeared. “I see this may turn out to be enjoyable after all,” he said, snickering. “But there are things traitors⁹ like you don’t understand.”

诧异的神情在阿塞夫脸上一闪而过。“我觉得这毕竟算是享受。”他冷笑着说，“但是，有些事情，像你这样的叛国之徒永远不会懂。”

“Like what?”

“比如说？ ”