We often close ourselves off when traumatic events happen in our lives; instead of letting the world soften¹ us, we let it drive us deeper into ourselves. We try to deflect² the hurt and pain by pretending it doesn’t exist, but although we can try this all we want, in the end, we can’t hide from ourselves. We need to learn to open our hearts to the potentials of life and let the world soften us.

生活发生不幸时，我们常常会关上心门;世界不仅没能慰藉我们，反倒使我们更加消沉。我们假装一切仿佛都不曾发生，以此试图忘却伤痛，可就算隐藏得再好，最终也还是骗不了自己。既然如此，何不尝试打开心门，拥抱生活中的各种可能，让世界感化我们呢?

Whenever we start to let our fears and seriousness get the best of us, we should take a step back and re-evaluate our behavior. The items listed below are six ways you can open your heart more fully and completely.

当恐惧与焦虑来袭时，我们应该退后一步，重新反思自己的言行。下面六个方法有助于你更完满透彻地敞开心扉。

1. Breathe into pain

直面痛苦

Whenever a painful situation arises in your life, try to embrace it instead of running away or trying to mask the hurt. When the sadness strikes, take a deep breath and lean into it. When we run away from sadness that’s unfolding in our lives, it gets stronger and more real. We take an emotion that’s fleeting³ and make it a solid event, instead of something that passes through us.

当生活中出现痛苦的事情时，别再逃跑或隐藏痛苦，试着拥抱它吧;当悲伤来袭时，试着深呼吸，然后直面它。如果我们一味逃避生活中的悲伤，悲伤只会变得更强烈更真实——悲伤原本只是稍纵即逝的情绪，我们却固执地耿耿于怀。

By utilizing⁴ our breath we soften our experiences. If we dam them up, our lives will stagnate⁵, but when we keep them flowing, we allow more newness and greater experiences to blossom.

深呼吸能减缓我们的感受。屏住呼吸，生活停滞;呼出呼吸，更多新奇与经历又将拉开序幕。

2. Embrace the uncomfortable

拥抱不安

We all know what that twinge of anxiety feels like. We know how fear feels in our bodies: the tension in our necks, the tightness in our stomachs, etc. We can practice leaning into these feelings of discomfort⁶ and let them show us where we need to go.

我们都经历过焦灼的煎熬感，也都感受过恐惧造成的生理反应：脖子僵硬、胃酸翻腾。其实，我们有能力面对这些痛苦的感受，从中领悟到出路。

The initial impulse is to run away — to try and suppress these feelings by not acknowledging them. When we do this, we close ourselves off to the parts of our lives that we need to experience most. The next time you have this feeling of being truly uncomfortable, do yourself a favor and lean into the feeling. Act in spite of the fear.

我们的第一反应总是逃避——以为否认不安情绪的存在就能万事大吉，可这也恰好妨碍了我们经历最需要的生活体验。下次感到不安时，不管有多害怕，也请试着勇敢面对吧。

3. Ask your heart what it wants

倾听内心

We’re often confused at the next step to take, making pros⁷ and cons⁸ lists until our eyes bleed and our brains are sore. Instead of always taking this approach, what if we engaged a new part of ourselves that isn’t usually involved in the decision making process?

我们常对未来犹疑不定，反复考虑利弊直到身心俱疲。与其一味顾虑重重，不如从局外人的角度看待决策之事。

I know we’ve all felt decisions or actions that we had to take simply due to our “gut⁹” impulses: when asked, we can’t explain the reasons behind doing so — just a deep knowing that it had to get done. This instinct is the part of ourselves we’re approaching for answers.

其实很多决定或行动都是我们一念之间的结果：要是追问原因的话，恐怕我们自己也道不清说不明，只是感到直觉如此罢了。而这种直觉恰好是我们探索结果的潜在自我。

To start this process, take few deep breaths then ask, “Heart, what decision should I make here? What action feels the most right?”

开始前先做几次深呼吸，问自己：“内心认为该做什么样的决定呢?觉得采取哪个方案最恰当?”

See what comes up, then engage and evaluate the outcome.

看看自己的内心反应如何，然后全力以赴、静待结果吧。

4. Engage your shadow

了解阴暗面

Many of us who are on the personal development path get caught up in embracing characteristics we want to have, like happiness, compassion¹⁰, love, and passion. In this pursuit we end up losing parts of ourselves that make us whole, such as suppressing our negative qualities instead of engaging them. Try asking yourself a few questions:

很多人在成长过程中都或多或少养成期望的性格，比如快乐、同情、爱心以及激情等等;与此同时，我们也会陷入消极压抑的品性。这时，你就要问问自己：

What parts of myself could I do without?

我有哪些可以完全抛弃的性格?

How do I get in my own way?

有哪些品性会妨碍我的成长?

Is there anything I’m hiding from myself?

我对自己是不是足够诚实坦白?

Don’t be afraid of what comes out; you might want to run from the answers, but instead, acknowledge them and be with them as much as possible. Once you’re a little clearer about what exactly you’ve been hiding, from it gets easier to shine your light on it.

别害怕最终得出的结果，也别逃避，相反，你应该面对并尽量接受现实。如果你能确切了解自己的阴暗面，也就更容易去改正。

5. Spend time alone

享受独处

For most of our lives we’re surrounded by people: our friends, colleagues, peers, family members, loved ones, and strangers. How often do we really spend time alone?

大部分人身边总不缺陪伴：朋友、同事、同伴、亲人、爱侣，还有陌生人。那么，怎样才能真正独处呢?

When you spend time in solitude¹¹, you’re free from the influences of other people, and can truly open yourself and explore whatever you’d like. See where your thoughts take you. The golden ticket here is to not let yourself become distracted; just see what it’s like to be alone.

独处使人免受他人干扰，能让我们真正敞开心怀去探究所喜所恶，让自己跟着思绪游走——一定要保持专心，用心体会独处的曼妙。

It might be painful or even scary at first, but by opening yourself up to these new feelings, you’ll add a whole new layer of depth, experience, and understanding into your life.

一开始可能会感到痛苦甚至惶恐，可一旦敞开心胸面对这些感受，你便能达到更高一层境界，收获别样的经验，也更理解自己的生活。

6. Get outside of yourself

走出自我

This may seem a little contradictory¹² to the last tip, but in reality, they actually work hand-in-hand. After you’ve explored the depths of yourself, you come away with a new understanding.

这和前一个建议貌似有点矛盾，但其实两者却是相辅相成的。独处之后，你对自己获得了全新了解。

Now, it’s time to share that — not through telling others, but through being with others.

然后，你应该把它分享出来——当然，这不是要你直接把它告知与人，而是要求你通过与人交往进行分享。

When you’re in a group of people, try to give them your full energy and attention so you can understand them just as you did yourself. Appreciate their uniqueness, as if they are an extension of you. Lose yourself in the beauty of others; see what they can teach you about yourself.

当你与人交往时，请试着用心去了解他们，就好比你用心了解自己一样。感同身受地欣赏他们的个性、观察他们的优点，看看自己能从中学到什么。

Remember, there’s no need to do every one of these at the same time. Take each one a day at a time, determine which work best for you, and see what you can discover.

请记住：以上建议并不要求你一气呵成，你可以每天尝试一个，选择最适合自己的建议，看看自己能从中收获什么。