What should I do when I am emotionally attached to a narcissist¹?

爱上一个自恋的人该怎么办？

获得27.6k好评的回答@ Elinor Greenberg：

Imagine that you brought home an adorable new dog. In the beginning he seems perfect—handsome, affectionate, and well-behaved. Then one day you go to pick up his food bowl, and he bites you. You remember hearing that dogs can be territorial² about their food, so you decide to chalk up that bite to your ignorance. From now on you will be more careful about suddenly invading his space. Cut to six months later. Your dog’s territory keeps expanding and there are fewer and fewer zones left for you.

想象你带回家一只新的可爱的小狗，最初他很完美——漂亮、跟你很亲热、表现很好。后来有一天你拿他装食物的碗时他咬了你。你记得听说过狗会护食，所以你决定要把他咬你的这一口归咎于自己的疏忽。从今以后你更加小心不能突然占了他的地盘。六个月以后，狗的地盘一再扩大，留给你的空间越来越小。

Now, would you keep this dog? If not, how would you handle your emotional attachment³? Here are some suggestions. When you start missing your Narcissist:

现在你还留着这条狗吗？如果不留，怎样才能控制自己的喜欢呢？以下是几条建议，当你开始想念一个自恋的人的时候，你可以：

Remember all the pain he/she inflicted⁴ on you.

想想所有他/她带给你的痛苦。

Take a deep, cleansing⁵ breath and savor⁶ your freedom.

深呼吸，净化思想，尽情享受自由。

Reclaim⁷ all the things that you gave up to satisfy your Narcissistic⁸ lover.

重拾所有为了满足你所爱的自恋者而放弃的东西。

Sum up what you have learned from this experience.

总结这段经历中你学到了什么。

Apply what you have learned and look for a new, non-Narcissistic lover.

运用你所学到的一切找一个新的不自恋的爱人。

Remind yourself that you became emotionally attached to a delightful⁹ fantasy. The real person was the one who kept hurting you.

提醒自己你迷上的是愉快的幻想，而那个人则一直在伤害你。

Punchline¹⁰: There are many charming, attractive people who are better admired at a distance. When we take them home, they take over. Better a bit of emotional pain now, than a lifetime of it.

结束语：有很多迷人的、有魅力的人只能远远地欣赏，带回家后他们就会掌控一切。长痛不如短痛。

获得124好评的回答@ Sheeba Bhaskaran：

I think you know the answer. A narcissist is busy with his own self. It's just that you are trying to cling on to that person whereas you very well know that he is not capable of satisfying you emotionally. So pls take a reality check and come out of it. Relationships are all about give and take and it starts becoming a pain when it is a one way drive.

我觉着你知道答案。自恋的人总是忙于自己的事。只是你在努力不愿意放弃那个人，虽然你深知他不能满足你的精神需求。所以请你接受现实，从这段关系中走出来。恋爱应该是付出和索取并存，当付出变成单向时痛苦就开始了。

Respect yourself, take a call and move on. Don’t invest your time and energy on some unrealistic thought.

要尊重你自己，在这段感情中谢幕并继续自己的生活。不要把时间和精力投入到不现实的想法上。

And sorry to say this but the other person is being what he is but you are being an emotional fool. Wake up girl.

很抱歉说这些，但对方就是那样的人，你就是恋爱中的傻子，醒醒吧姑娘。

获得164好评的回答@ Lisa：

Run. Run like the wind. A relationship with a narcissist is NOT a relationship! You are an object of convenience to the narcissist. Not a PARTNER. Carefully and privately¹¹ plan your escape. Or decline to have a life of your own.

跑开，像风一样跑开。和自恋者的恋爱根本就不算恋爱！你只是为自恋者提供便利的人，而不是恋人。小心秘密地计划你的离开，否则你就没法拥有自己的生活。

That's pretty much the whole of it. If you are truly with a narcissist, the end will be loss of self. The sooner you get into therapy, the better. Or just get out and then find out why you were vulnerable to such a person. I always recommend therapy. But if you can't do that… read a LOT about it before you get into another relationship.

差不多就是这样，如果你真的跟一个自恋者在一起，结局就是失去自我。你越早开始心理治疗越好，或者只是走出这段感情，弄明白为什么你会受到这个人的伤害。我总是建议治疗，但如果你做不到…在开始另外一段感情之前多读些相关的东西。

It will be hard. But YOU can do hard things….!

这很难，但你能克服！