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幽默笑话:雷人的大学入学申请书
添加时间:2019-02-13 08:20:56 浏览次数: 作者:未知
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  • 雷人的大学入学申请书

    This is an actual essay written by a college applicant1, when applying to NYU where he now attends.

    I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel2 train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention3. I translate ethnic4 slurs5 for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently6. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

    I woo women with my sensuous7 and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw8 in Peru.

    Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde9 of ferocious10 army ants. I play bluegrass cello11, I was scouted12 by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding13. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

    I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst14, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire15. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey16 with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration17. I bat. 400. My deft18 floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

    I can hurl19 tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert20 operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

    I balance, I weave, I dodge21, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams22. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.。

    But I have not yet gone to college.

    这是一份真实的纽约大学入学申请书。目前,申请人正在纽约大学就读。

    我是精力旺盛的家伙——爬墙和砸冰,小菜一碟。我远近闻名,因为有次我利用午休时间,改造了火车站,提高了候车室保温效果。我为古巴难民,逐条翻译,骂人的脏话。我写过歌剧,并且还得了奖。我的工作效率很高。有时,我可以连续三天踩水。

    追求女人,我自有一套——英俊的外貌和长号吹奏,如天籁之音。骑车,似杂耍般,速度飞快。做一份布朗尼巧克力饼,别人半个小时,我二十分钟就能搞定。粉刷墙壁,我是行家;谈恋爱,我是老手;在秘鲁,我又是一个亡命之徒。

    在亚马逊流域的小村庄里,一把锄头,一大杯水,我孤军奋战,击退了浩浩荡荡的、凶狠的蚂蚁大军。小提琴也玩得很溜。我是无数通缉令的一号男主角,被警方跟踪也在所难免。当我厌烦了,不想跟逗他们玩了,我就在自家院子里拉几根钢索吊桥。我特别钟爱城市的滑翔游戏。通常星期三,放学后,我义务为大家修理电器设备。

    我一身数职:抽象派艺术家,具体的分析家,无情的的赌马人。一件自己做的灯芯绒晚礼服,全世界的评论家,无不为之倾倒。我可不跟他们一起发疯,我行事向来低调,虽然我常收到粉丝们的信件。我还做过做过Number Nine(译注:日本著名服装公司)的接线员。去年,我参加了新泽西的了离心力证明之旅,我可以击400下呢。而灵巧的插花手手艺,有幸赢得圈内薄名。孩子们信赖我。

    用网球拍,投掷移动的小东西,准星挺高。一天之内,读完失乐园、白鲸、大卫科波菲尔,剩下的时间,还够我将餐厅,装饰一新。我知道超市里每种食品的确切位置。我为中央情报局做过秘密卧底。一周,我只睡一次。我睡在椅子上。有一次在加拿大度假,一群恐怖分子在抢劫一家面包店,我成功地与他们达成协议。身体极限,在我看来,没有这回事儿。

    我心智健全,爱好编织,热衷创新发明,享受生活,没有外债。周末时,为摆脱俗世纠缠,我一心研究纸艺。数年前,我发现了生活的真谛,但是忘了记录。只要有茂利(译注:一种食品加工器)和烤箱,我就能做四道美味无比的主菜。我养的蛤,得过大奖。圣胡安的斗牛比赛,斯里兰卡的攀岩比赛,克里姆林宫的拼写比赛,我赢过。我演过哈姆雷特。我主刀过心脏手术。我还与威尔斯(译注:唱蓝调的南方摇滚巨星)交谈过。

    但是,我还没有上过大学。

     12级    幽默笑话 


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    1 applicant [ˈæplɪkənt] 1MlyX   第7级
    n.申请人,求职者,请求者
    参考例句:
    • He was the hundredth applicant for the job. 他是第100个申请这项工作的人。
    • In my estimation, the applicant is well qualified for this job. 据我看,这位应征者完全具备这项工作的条件。
    2 remodel [ˌri:ˈmɒdl] XVkx1   第12级
    vt.改造,改型,改变
    参考例句:
    • Workmen were hired to remodel and enlarge the farm buildings. 雇用了工人来改造和扩建农场建筑。
    • I'll remodel the downstairs bedroom first. 我先要装修楼下那间房间。
    3 retention [rɪˈtenʃn] HBazK   第7级
    n.保留,保持,保持力,记忆力
    参考例句:
    • They advocate the retention of our nuclear power plants. 他们主张保留我们的核电厂。
    • His retention of energy at this hour is really surprising. 人们惊叹他在这个时候还能保持如此旺盛的精力。
    4 ethnic [ˈeθnɪk] jiAz3   第7级
    adj.人种的,种族的,异教徒的
    参考例句:
    • This music would sound more ethnic if you played it in steel drums. 如果你用钢鼓演奏,这首乐曲将更具民族特色。
    • The plan is likely only to aggravate ethnic frictions. 这一方案很有可能只会加剧种族冲突。
    5 slurs [slə:z] f714abb1a09d3da4d64196cc5701bd6e   第10级
    含糊的发音( slur的名词复数 ); 玷污; 连奏线; 连唱线
    参考例句:
    • One should keep one's reputation free from all slurs. 人应该保持名誉不受责备。
    • Racial slurs, racial jokes, all having to do with being Asian. 种族主义辱骂,种族笑话,都是跟亚裔有关的。
    6 efficiently [ɪ'fɪʃntlɪ] ZuTzXQ   第8级
    adv.高效率地,有能力地
    参考例句:
    • The worker oils the machine to operate it more efficiently. 工人给机器上油以使机器运转更有效。
    • Local authorities have to learn to allocate resources efficiently. 地方政府必须学会有效地分配资源。
    7 sensuous [ˈsenʃuəs] pzcwc   第10级
    adj.激发美感的;感官的,感觉上的
    参考例句:
    • Don't get the idea that value of music is commensurate with its sensuous appeal. 不要以为音乐的价值与其美的感染力相等。
    • The flowers that wreathed his parlor stifled him with their sensuous perfume. 包围著客厅的花以其刺激人的香味使他窒息。
    8 outlaw [ˈaʊtlɔ:] 1J0xG   第7级
    n.歹徒,亡命之徒;vt.宣布…为不合法
    参考例句:
    • The outlaw hid out in the hills for several months. 逃犯在山里隐藏了几个月。
    • The outlaw has been caught. 歹徒已被抓住了。
    9 horde [hɔ:d] 9dLzL   第10级
    n.群众,一大群
    参考例句:
    • A horde of children ran over the office building. 一大群孩子在办公大楼里到处奔跑。
    • Two women were quarrelling on the street, surrounded by horde of people. 有两个妇人在街上争吵,被一大群人围住了。
    10 ferocious [fəˈrəʊʃəs] ZkNxc   第8级
    adj.凶猛的,残暴的,极度的,十分强烈的
    参考例句:
    • The ferocious winds seemed about to tear the ship to pieces. 狂风仿佛要把船撕成碎片似的。
    • The ferocious panther is chasing a rabbit. 那只凶猛的豹子正追赶一只兔子。
    11 cello [ˈtʃeləʊ] yUPyo   第10级
    n.大提琴
    参考例句:
    • The cello is a member of the violin family. 大提琴是提琴家族的一员。
    • She plays a melodious cello. 她拉着一手悦耳的大提琴。
    12 scouted [skautid] c2ccb9e441a3696747e3f1fa2d26d0d7   第7级
    寻找,侦察( scout的过去式和过去分词 ); 物色(优秀运动员、演员、音乐家等)
    参考例句:
    • They scouted around for a shop that was open late. 他们四处寻找,看看还有没有夜间营业的商店。
    • They scouted around for a beauty parlour. 他们四处寻找美容院。
    13 gliding [ˈglaɪdɪŋ] gliding   第7级
    v. 滑翔 adj. 滑动的
    参考例句:
    • Swans went gliding past. 天鹅滑行而过。
    • The weather forecast has put a question mark against the chance of doing any gliding tomorrow. 天气预报对明天是否能举行滑翔表示怀疑。
    14 analyst [ˈænəlɪst] gw7zn   第9级
    n.分析家,化验员;心理分析学家
    参考例句:
    • What can you contribute to the position of a market analyst? 你有什么技能可有助于市场分析员的职务?
    • The analyst is required to interpolate values between standards. 分析人员需要在这些标准中插入一些值。
    15 perspire [pəˈspaɪə(r)] V3KzD   第10级
    vi.出汗,流汗
    参考例句:
    • He began to perspire heavily. 他开始大量出汗。
    • You perspire a lot when you are eating. 你在吃饭的时候流汗很多。
    16 jersey [ˈdʒɜ:zi] Lp5zzo   第11级
    n.运动衫
    参考例句:
    • He wears a cotton jersey when he plays football. 他穿运动衫踢足球。
    • They were dressed alike in blue jersey and knickers. 他们穿着一致, 都是蓝色的运动衫和灯笼短裤。
    17 demonstration [ˌdemənˈstreɪʃn] 9waxo   第8级
    n.表明,示范,论证,示威
    参考例句:
    • His new book is a demonstration of his patriotism. 他写的新书是他的爱国精神的证明。
    • He gave a demonstration of the new technique then and there. 他当场表演了这种新的操作方法。
    18 deft [deft] g98yn   第8级
    adj.灵巧的,熟练的(a deft hand 能手)
    参考例句:
    • The pianist has deft fingers. 钢琴家有灵巧的双手。
    • This bird, sharp of eye and deft of beak, can accurately peck the flying insects in the air. 这只鸟眼疾嘴快,能准确地把空中的飞虫啄住。
    19 hurl [hɜ:l] Yc4zy   第8级
    vt.猛投,力掷,声叫骂
    参考例句:
    • The best cure for unhappiness is to hurl yourself into your work. 医治愁苦的最好办法就是全身心地投入工作。
    • To hurl abuse is no way to fight. 谩骂决不是战斗。
    20 covert [ˈkʌvət] voxz0   第9级
    adj.隐藏的;暗地里的
    参考例句:
    • We should learn to fight with enemy in an overt and covert way. 我们应学会同敌人做公开和隐蔽的斗争。
    • The army carried out covert surveillance of the building for several months. 军队对这座建筑物进行了数月的秘密监视。
    21 dodge [dɒdʒ] q83yo   第8级
    n. 躲闪;托词 vt. 躲避,避开 vi. 躲避,避开
    参考例句:
    • A dodge behind a tree kept her from being run over. 她向树后一闪,才没被车从身上辗过。
    • The dodge was coopered by the police. 诡计被警察粉碎了。
    22 clams [klæmz] 0940cacadaf01e94ba47fd333a69de59   第9级
    n.蛤;蚌,蛤( clam的名词复数 )v.(在沙滩上)挖蛤( clam的第三人称单数 )
    参考例句:
    • The restaurant's specialities are fried clams. 这个餐厅的特色菜是炸蚌。 来自《简明英汉词典》
    • We dug clams in the flats et low tide. 退潮时我们在浅滩挖蛤蜊。 来自辞典例句

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