What I Have Lived For

Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing¹ for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable² pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither³, in a wayward course, over a deep ocean of anguish⁴, reaching to the verge⁵ of despair.

I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy⁶ --- ecstasy so great that I would have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness --- that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim⁷ of the world into cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it, finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what --- at last --- I have found.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of men, I have wished to know why the stars shine. And I have tried to apprehend⁸ the Pythagorean power by which number holds away above the flux⁹. A little of this, but not much, I have achieved.

Love and knowledge, so far as they were possible, led upward toward the heavens. But always pity brought me back to earth. Echoes of cries of pain reverberated¹⁰ in my heart. Children in famine, victims tortured by oppressors, helpless old people a hated burden to their sons, and the whole world of loneliness, poverty, and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate¹¹ the evil, but I cannot, and I too suffer.

This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and I would gladly live it again if the chance were offered to me.

中文译文】：

三种简单却极其强烈的情感主宰着我的生活：对爱的渴望、对知识的追求、对人类痛苦的难以承受的怜悯之心。这三种情感，像一阵阵飓风一样，任意地将我吹的飘来荡去，越过痛苦的海洋，抵达绝望的彼岸。

我寻找爱，首先，因为它令人心醉神迷，这种沉醉是如此美妙，以至于我愿意用余生来换取那几个小时的快乐。我寻找爱，其次是因为它会减轻孤独，置身于那种可怕的孤独中，颤抖的灵魂在世界的边缘，看到冰冷的、死寂的、无底深渊。我寻找爱，还因为在爱水乳交融时，在一个神秘的缩影中，我见到了先贤和诗人们所想象的、预览的天堂。这就是我所追求的，尽管对于凡人来说，这好像是一种奢望。但这是我最终找到的。

我曾以同样的热情来追求知识。我希望能理解人类的心灵，希望能知道为什么星星会发光。我也曾经努力理解毕达哥拉斯学派的理论，他们认为数字主载着万物的此消彼长。我了解了一点知识，但是不多。

爱和知识，可以最大可能地，将人带入天堂。可是，怜悯总是将我带回地面。人们因痛苦而发出的哭声在我心中久久回响，那些饥荒中的孩子们，被压迫者摧残的受害者们，被子女视为可憎负担的、无助的老人们，以及那无处不在的孤单、贫穷和无助都在讽刺着人类所本应该有的生活。我渴望能够消除人世间的邪恶，可是力不从心，我自己也同样遭受着它们的折磨。

这就是我的生活。我觉得活一场是值得的。如果给我机会的话，我愿意开心地，再活一次。