1. Teachers that suggest that we might not be talented enough to do something暗示我们没天分做不好某事的老师

Years ago psychologists did a classroom experiment. A group of children were randomly¹ divided into two classes. The teachers were told that the students in first class were high achievers that should do well. The second class was labeled as “underachievers” who needed special help。几年前心理学家做了一个课堂实验。一群孩子被随机分成两个班。老师们被告知：第一个班里的学生是优等生，会表现很好。第二个班的学生则被打上标签：需要特殊帮助的“差等生”。

At the beginning of the year there was no difference between the two groups of children in terms of ability. However, by the end of the school year the class that was labeled ‘high-achievers’ did better than average work, while the class of so-called “underachievers” not only scored poorly, but they were less liked by their teacher。在学年初，两个班的孩子在能力方面并没有表现出什么不同。然而，到了学年末，被认为是“优等生”的班级成绩要出色得多，然而所谓的“差等生”的班级不仅考试分数很低，也不怎么受老师喜欢。

It turned out that people unconsciously create situations that encourage expected behavior. If our expectations of a person are negative, we actually encourage them to behave negatively。结果表明，人们无意中创造了一些激励预期行为的环境。如果我们对一个人的期望是消极的，我们真的会导致他们去做一些消极的事情。

What to do about it:如何应对：

If you want to change someone else’s behavior, change your expectations about this person. Expect better from people, treat them accordingly and sooner or later they will begin to act that way。如果你想改变别人的行为，那就改变你对此人的期望。对人们期望得更好，并相应地去对待他们，迟早他们会开始如你所愿去做的。

Bosses 2. Bosses that ask “Would you do me a favor?” 5 minutes before you have to leave the office在离下班5分钟时问你“能否帮个忙”的上司

It is easy to suspect that these people are actually making our life harder on purpose. But for the sake of your own peace of mind, it is better not to let these thoughts get you all worked up。我们很容易就怀疑，这些人实际上在故意地为难你。但是为了你自己内心的安宁，最好不要让这些想法把你激怒。

What to do about it: 如何应对：

Well, there is always a polite way to say “no” and offer a constructive² solution. However, if you feel that the project is urgent, take the initiative to help your team or your company out. It’s give and take。好吧，总有一种礼貌的方式来说“不”，然后提出一个有建设性的解决方法。然而，如果你感到这个项目比较紧急，那么就积极主动地帮助你的团队或者公司。互相迁就一下。

Today you will stay after work to finish the project and next time your boss may be equally understanding if you have to leave work early。今天你在下班后留下来完成项目。下一次，如果你不得不提前下班，你的老板或许也会同样理解你并做出让步。

Mean old ladies 3. Mean old ladies刻薄的老太太There is always a reason why an old lady gives you a stern look – you are being too loud, you are dressed inappropriately, you are not crossing the street in the right place. Sometimes it can be endearing, but if you are already having a bad day, a mean old lady can drive you to the edge of frustration³。老太太严厉地看着你，必定会有一个原因：你说话声音太大了，你的穿着不得体，你没有在正确的地方过马路。有时这也挺讨人喜欢的，但是如果你心情已经很糟糕了，那么一个刻薄的老太太会把你逼到崩溃的边缘。

What to do about it: 如何应对：

I’ve come to realize that when people initiate⁴ conflicts, it is actually an expression of their inner state expressed externally. You, your personality, your looks or your actions have nothing to do with it. It is not personal, so why take it personally?我渐渐意识到，每当人们激起矛盾，这实际上是一种将内在状态外化的表现。你、你的个性、你的外貌还有你的行为与此无关。这并不是关乎某个人的事情，所以为什么认为这是针对你的呢？

That person 4. That person, who cuts in front of everybody in line插队到最前面的人

This is something that gets me worked up. Even if I have plenty of time and I am not in a hurry, I still feel bad for the other people in line who are being treated unjustly. Are you more patient than I am or do you feel this kind of frustration too?这种事让我感到很气愤。即使我有大把的时间，即使我并不着急，我仍然会为受到不公待遇的其他人感到糟糕。你是比我还有耐心呢，还是也会感到这很令人抓狂？

What to do about it: 如何应对：

First, it helps to remember that where our attention goes, our energy flows. If we nurture⁵ negative thoughts or think of spiteful remarks then we are wasting our energy on negativity, instead of on our personal wellbeing. Situations like this could be a great opportunity to learn to control our initial negative responses and practice understanding。首先，这帮助我们记住：我们的注意力在哪里，我们的精力就流向哪儿。如果我们滋养了消极的想法或者想出了尖酸刻薄的话语，那么我们就是在将精力浪费在消极的事情上，而不是在我们的个人幸福上。类似这样的情形可能是一个学习控制内在消极反应、练习理解的绝佳机会。

After all, we don’t know why the person is cutting in front of everyone in line: maybe they just have a quick question or maybe there is an emergency。毕竟，我们不知道为什么那个人要插队到所有人的前面：或许他只是想很快地问个问题，或者可能出现了紧急情况。

Person who gives wrong gift 5. People that give our kids noise-making toys as a present把制造噪音的玩具当礼物送给我们孩子的人

Last week I babysat my niece and I actually made this mistake. I bought her one of those fancy kids’ cellphones that makes sounds when you press the buttons and plays 3 different melodies. By the end of the 4th hour of her calling me and our “imaginary” friends I was actually contemplating⁶ ‘accidentally’ dropping and breaking the stupid thing。上周，我临时照看我的侄女，我就真的犯了这个错误。我给她买了一个精致的儿童手机，一按键就会发出声音，播放3种不同的音乐。在结束了长达4个小时她对我以及“假想”朋友的呼叫之后，我真的在冥思苦想如何“不慎”摔坏这个讨厌的东西。

The solution to the problem was finally obtained – to wait for the right moment and then take the batteries out!这一问题最终有了解决的方法——等待时机把电池拿出来！

What to do about it: 如何应对：

For starts, I would inform every friend and relative in your family that a drum set is off the limits. Second, I would declare that those who have the ‘genial⁷’ idea of giving annoying noise-making toys to your children should be the ones babysitting your excited off-springs。首先，我会通知每个亲友拒收架子鼓。其次，我会声明：那些想“友好地”送给孩子会发出恼人噪音的玩具的人，应该加入到临时保姆的行列，照看兴奋不已的孩子。

This technique definitely worked miracles for me。这个方法显然为我创造了奇迹。

Mean Friends 6. Friends that tell you “I told you so”

跟你说“我早就告诉过你”的朋友

It is one thing to admit that you made a mistake and another to hear it from a person that you actually consider your friend. Friends should be there to support you and cheer you up when you are feeling down, not make themselves feel better at your expense, right?这是在你犯了一两个错误后，会从一个你真的将其当作朋友的人那里听到。朋友应该是在你身边支持你，当你沮丧的时候鼓励你振作的人，而不是以你为代价而让自己感觉良好，对不对？

What to do about it: 如何应对：

It helps to keep in mind that when people say “I told you so”， they are trying to say, “I hope that you will listen to my advice in future”. Surprisingly enough, it is their way of protecting you from future mistakes (even if this strategy does not make you feel any better). If this is not the help you need – voice it out, without getting defensive⁸. Bring the conversation back to what they can do to help you deal with the situation。记住这一点会对你有帮助：当人们说“我早就告诉过你”的时候，他们是在试图说，“我希望你今后能听取我的建议”。非常令人惊讶的是，这是他们保护你，避免你日后犯错的一种方式(即便这一策略并没有让你感觉好受)。如果这不是你所需要的帮助，大声说出来，不用有所戒备。回过头来交谈一下他们能帮你做些什么来帮你解决问题。

Mean Collegue 7. Co-workers that always have to have the last word总是强辩到底的同事

Some people still believe that “Truth is Born of Arguments”. So they drag you into an argument and then make it their goal to prove to you that they are right (even if you both know it is not the case)。有些人仍然认为“争论诞生出真理”。因此他们把你拉入争论之中，然后向你证明他们是对的(即便你们俩人都知道事实并非如此)，不达目的誓不罢休。

What to do about it: 如何应对：

Agree to disagree. Any discussion, where at least one of the two parties refuses to listen soon turns into a battle of egos- me-versus-you, Who is right? sort of game. It leads nowhere, resolves nothing and when the heat of an argument cools down it leaves you feeling angry, vindictive⁹ and upset。求同存异。在任何讨论中，至少双方中的一方拒绝再听下去，讨论很快就变成了一场有关自我的争斗，我对你，谁是对的？有点像游戏吧。这不会有什么结果，解决不了任何问题，并且当争论的热度降下来的时候，它会让你感到气愤、怀恨在心且心烦意乱。

So the ultimate question is why waste your energy on empty conflicts? 因此最终的问题是：为什么浪费你的精力在无意义的冲突上？