Are you single? Are you confused as to how this state of affairs has come about? Our experts may be able to explain.

你是单身？你对为什么自己单身感到困惑吗？我们的专家也许能为你解答。

Your social media

你的社交媒体

The Inner Circle founder¹, David Vermeulen, says your social media channels may be the reason you are single.

Inner Circle创始人大卫•韦尔默朗说，你的社交媒体可能是你单身的原因。

'Try to refrain from posting your political stance on controversial topics such as Brexit and immigration online.

“试着不要发帖表明你对英国脱欧和移民问题等争议性话题的政治立场。”

'Broadcasting your political views on your social media channels can successfully eliminate any potential suitors with opposing views from making an approach before you have even met, meaning that you may never meet the man/woman of your dreams, all due to one off the cuff² remark,' he suggests.

他建议说：“在社交媒体上传播你的政治观点很可能会赶走潜在的追求者，因为还没见面你就发表了与他们相反的意见。这意味着你可能永远不会见到你的梦中情人，全都因一个即兴的评论。”

He also warns against posting cryptic³ statuses, such as: 'my life is like a black hole, everything good gets swallowed up'.

他还警告说不要发一些隐晦的状态，比如：“我的人生就像一个黑洞，一切美好的东西都会被吞噬。”

He explains: 'Of course, as empathetic human beings, we care if something bad is happening to you. But, a cryptic status like this serves us in no way whatsoever⁴. All the reader gets out of this self-indulgent status is a sense that you would be a nightmare to be in a relationship with.'

他解释说：“当然，作为感同身受的人类，如果在你身上发生了坏事我们会很关心。但这种隐晦的状态让我们无从关心。所有读者从这样一个任性的状态得到的感觉是：与你交往会是一个噩梦。”

David also says posting too many selfies can put off potential suitors, explaining that they may think that you are self-absorbed or very narcissistic⁵ and refrain from approaching you. 'Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who cares more about the selfie lighting⁶ situation on a date, than the date itself, I doubt it?', he asks.

戴维还说，发太多的自拍可能让潜在的追求者反感，他解释说他们可能会认为你很自私或很自恋，不想接近你。他问道:“你想跟那些更在乎约会时的自拍光线情况而非约会本身的人交往么？我对此持怀疑态度。”

Your attitude

你的态度

Jack⁷ Knowles, founder of dating app Temptr, says that many single people that he encounters seem to carry a typical ‘woe⁸ is me attitude’ when it comes to explaining to friends and family members the reason behind why they haven’t yet found ‘the one’ to settle down with, especially once they have reached a certain age.

杰克•诺尔斯是约会应用Temptr的创始人，他说自己遇到的很多单身人士，他们在向朋友和家人解释为什么还没找到一个人“安定”下来的背后原因时，似乎持一种典型的“我好命苦啊”的态度。当他们已经到了一定年龄时尤其如此。

'Sadly, this method of feeling sorry for oneself can very much exacerbate⁹ a situation and gives potential suitors a reason to stay away,' he said. 'Basically, it’s hard to find a partner when you reek¹⁰ of desperation.'

他说：“可悲的是，这种垂头丧气的方法非常可能使情况恶化，并让潜在的追求者远离你。如果你散发着绝望的气息，基本上很难找到伴侣。”

You're too picky

你太挑剔了

Lucy Jones, relationship expert at ToyboyWarehouse.com, says the internet is to blame for us being too picky.

露西•琼斯是toyboywarehouse.com网站的恋情专家，她说我们太挑剔都怪互联网。

She said: 'Before the explosion of internet dating and social media, you had just a handful of potential partners. You either ended up dating a friend of a friend, a coworker, or someone you bumped into at the coffee shop. How many potential partners do we have now? Hundreds of thousands!

她说：“在网上约会和社交媒体激增之前，你只有几个的潜在伴侣。你要么与朋友的朋友、同事约会，要么跟你在咖啡店偶遇的某个人约会。我们现在有多少潜在的伴侣？成千上万！”

'You get chatting to a guy online, you’re thinking of taking things to the next level and meeting up. He seems great and all, but with so many other profiles out there how can you commit? There are scores of other guys just a few taps away, maths tell us one of them is almost certainly a better fit for you.

“你和一个人网上聊天，你想让关系更进一步，见个面。他似乎很棒，但还有这么多其他人，你怎么能做出承诺？只需聊几次就能认识几十个其他男士，数学告诉我们，其中一个几乎肯定更适合你。

'How do you get over this? By being less picky? Well sort of. You might have access to tens of thousands of single potential partners, but it’s going to take an entire lifetime to judge them all.'

“你怎么克服这个问题？变得不那么挑剔？这是不错的方法。你可能有机会与成千上万单身的潜在伴侣聊天，但要对所有人进行判断得花一辈子。”

She recommends changing your mindset and stopping concentrating on future lost chances, instead focusing on what will make you content today.

她建议改变心态，别再关注未来失去的机会，而是关注今天让你满意的人。

'I have a type'

“我有喜欢的类型”

Lucy Jones says that dating is a buffet¹¹ - the best way to build your preferences is to sample everything on offer.

露西•琼斯说，约会是一种自助餐——建立喜好的最好方法是尝试一切提供给你的类型。

She explains: 'The issue is when we judge someone on whether they are our type or not, we do so on surface level appearances and personality traits. But when we date someone, it’s the characteristics under the surface level which dictate¹² whether or not they’re a fit for us.'

她解释说：“问题是当我们判断一个人是否是我们喜欢的类型时，我们只评价了外貌和个性特征。但是当我们与某人约会时，更深层次的品质决定了他们是否适合我们。”

So, she recommends branching out and dating guys who you usually wouldn’t date. 'Get to know a personality you’ve never experienced before. Maybe you won’t find your dream guy, maybe you will. What you’re bound to gain, however, is a better understanding of what you want in a partner.'

所以，她建议扩大范围，与你通常不会约会的男士约会。“去了解一种你从未经历过的个性。也许你不会找到梦想中的人，也许你会。但你肯定能对你想要什么样的伴侣有更好的理解。”

You haven't let go of an ex

你还没对前任放手

Your future relationships are affected¹³ by a wide range of things, your connection to your ex is one of the most impactful, says Lucy.

露西说，你未来的恋情关系受到多种因素的影响，你与前任的联系是最有影响力的事情之一。

'You might notice the conscious changes your ex has caused (e.g. staying away from guys that remind you of your ex, not going to locations that hold some kind of significance), but there are so many unconscious changes that you’re probably unaware¹⁴ of.

“你可能会注意到你因为前任而引起的明显变化（例如，远离那些让你想起前任的人，不去那些有某种特殊意义的地方），但你可能不知道还有这么多无意识的改变。”

'Don’t worry, we are a product of our experiences so this is perfectly¹⁵ normal. However, where it becomes dangerous is when these unconscious changes stop us from starting new relationships and forming new connections.

“别担心，我们是自身经验的产物，所以这是完全正常的。然而，当这些无意识的改变阻碍我们开始新的恋情、建立新的联系时，它就变得危险了。”

'If you think you’re a victim of this, it’s important to concentrate on breaking off your feelings for your past relationships before ever starting a new one. For certain occasions a new love will make the break-up easier, but it’s rare and it’s hardly fair on your new partner. Break-ups are between two people, don’t endanger something special by starting a relationship before you’re totally unconnected.'

“如果你认为自己是这一问题的受害者，在开始一段新的恋情之前，集中精力打破你对过去感情的感觉很重要。某些情况下，一份新的爱情会使分手变得没那么难过，但这很少见，而且对你的新伴侣不公平。分手是两人之间的事情，在与前任完全结束之前，不要建立新的关系，以免伤害对你来说很特殊的人。”

So how can you find the one? As Lucy explains, when Prince Charming was trying to find Cinderella he visited every house in the kingdom, trying that glass slipper¹⁶ on every foot he could; he didn’t just keep his fingers crossed hoping she’d show up.

那么你怎么能找到那个命中注定的人呢？正如露西解释的，当白马王子试图找到灰姑娘时，他访问了王国的每一个家庭，尽量让每个人试穿那双水晶鞋；他没有只是手指交叉祈祷她出现。

'I’m not saying you need to travel the country knocking on every man’s door,' she said. 'Just try being open to new experiences and meeting new people. Expand your experiences and escape your comfort zone. By saying yes to the world you’re improving your chances of bumping into Prince Charming. Unfortunately he’s not going to turn up at your door while you’re watching Netflix in bed.

她说：“我并不是说你需要在这个国家旅行，每个男人的门都敲。试着接纳新的体验，结交新的朋友。扩充你的经历，逃离你的舒适区。通过对这个世界说Yes，你会提高遇见白马王子的机会。不幸的是，你在床上看片儿的时候，他不会出现在你的门口。”

'Learn to enjoy rolling the dice¹⁷ more often, eventually you’ll hit the jackpot.'

“学会享受掷更多次骰子，最终你会中头彩。”