CHAPTER X

“Bless this food to our use and consecrate¹ our lives to Thy service,” said Uncle Herbert briskly.

Aunt Wellington frowned. She always considered Herbert’s graces entirely² too short and “flippant.” A grace, to be a grace in Aunt Wellington’s eyes, had to be at least three minutes long and uttered in an unearthly tone, between a groan³ and a chant. As a protest she kept her head bent⁴ a perceptible time after all the rest had been lifted. When she permitted herself to sit upright she found Valancy looking at her. Ever afterwards Aunt Wellington averred⁵ that she had known from that moment that there was something wrong with Valancy. In those queer, slanted⁶ eyes of hers—“we should always have known she was not entirely right with eyes like that”—there was an odd gleam of mockery and amusement—as if Valancy were laughing at her. Such a thing was unthinkable, of course. Aunt Wellington at once ceased to think it.

Valancy was enjoying herself. She had never enjoyed herself at a “family reunion” before. In social function, as in childish games, she had only “filled in.” Her clan⁷ had always considered her very dull. She had no parlour tricks. And she had been in the habit of taking refuge from the boredom⁸ of family parties in her Blue Castle, which resulted in an absent-mindedness that increased her reputation for dulness and vacuity⁹.

“She has no social presence whatever,” Aunt Wellington had decreed once and for all. Nobody dreamed that Valancy was dumb in their presence merely because she was afraid of them. Now she was no longer afraid of them. The shackles¹⁰ had been stricken off her soul. She was quite prepared to talk if occasion offered. Meanwhile she was giving herself such freedom of thought as she had never dared to take before. She let herself go with a wild, inner exultation¹¹, as Uncle Herbert carved the turkey. Uncle Herbert gave Valancy a second look that day. Being a man, he didn’t know what she had done to her hair, but he thought surprisedly that Doss was not such a bad-looking girl, after all; and he put an extra piece of white meat on her plate.

“What herb is most injurious to a young lady’s beauty?” propounded¹² Uncle Benjamin by way of starting conversation—“loosening things up a bit,” as he would have said.

Valancy, whose duty it was to say, “What?” did not say it. Nobody else said it, so Uncle Benjamin, after an expectant pause, had to answer, “Thyme,” and felt that his riddle¹³ had fallen flat. He looked resentfully at Valancy, who had never failed him before, but Valancy did not seem even to be aware of him. She was gazing around the table, examining relentlessly¹⁴ every one in this depressing assembly of sensible people and watching their little squirms with a detached, amused smile.

So these were the people she had always held in reverence¹⁵ and fear. She seemed to see them with new eyes.

Big, capable, patronising, voluble Aunt Mildred, who thought herself the cleverest woman in the clan, her husband a little lower than the angels and her children wonders. Had not her son, Howard, been all through teething at eleven months? And could she not tell you the best way to do everything, from cooking mushrooms to picking up a snake? What a bore she was! What ugly moles¹⁶ she had on her face!

Cousin Gladys, who was always praising her son, who had died young, and always fighting with her living one. She had neuritis—or what she called neuritis. It jumped about from one part of her body to another. It was a convenient thing. If anybody wanted her to go somewhere she didn’t want to go she had neuritis in her legs. And always if any mental effort was required she could have neuritis in her head. You can’t think with neuritis in your head, my dear.

“What an old humbug¹⁷ you are!” thought Valancy impiously.

Aunt Isabel. Valancy counted her chins. Aunt Isabel was the critic of the clan. She had always gone about squashing people flat. More members of it than Valancy were afraid of her. She had, it was conceded, a biting tongue.

“I wonder what would happen to your face if you ever smiled,” speculated Valancy, unblushingly.

Second Cousin Sarah Taylor, with her great, pale, expressionless eyes, who was noted¹⁸ for the variety of her pickle¹⁹ recipes and for nothing else. So afraid of saying something indiscreet that she never said anything worth listening to. So proper that she blushed when she saw the advertisement picture of a corset and had put a dress on her Venus de Milo statuette which made it look “real tasty.”

Little Cousin Georgiana. Not such a bad little soul. But dreary—very. Always looking as if she had just been starched²⁰ and ironed. Always afraid to let herself go. The only thing she really enjoyed was a funeral. You knew where you were with a corpse²¹. Nothing more could happen to it. But while there was life there was fear.

Uncle James. Handsome, black, with his sarcastic²², trap-like mouth and iron-grey side-burns, whose favourite amusement was to write controversial letters to the Christian²³ Times, attacking Modernism. Valancy always wondered if he looked as solemn when he was asleep as he did when awake. No wonder his wife had died young. Valancy remembered her. A pretty, sensitive thing. Uncle James had denied her everything she wanted and showered on her everything she didn’t want. He had killed her—quite legally. She had been smothered²⁴ and starved.

Uncle Benjamin, wheezy, pussy-mouthed. With great pouches²⁵ under eyes that held nothing in reverence.

Uncle Wellington. Long, pallid²⁶ face, thin, pale-yellow hair—“one of the fair Stirlings”—thin, stooping body, abominably²⁷ high forehead with such ugly wrinkles, and “eyes about as intelligent as a fish’s,” thought Valancy. “Looks like a cartoon of himself.”

Aunt Wellington. Named Mary but called by her husband’s name to distinguish her from Great-aunt Mary. A massive, dignified²⁸, permanent lady. Splendidly arranged, iron-grey hair. Rich, fashionable beaded dress. Had her moles removed by electrolysis—which Aunt Mildred thought was a wicked evasion²⁹ of the purposes of God.

Uncle Herbert, with his spiky³⁰ grey hair. Aunt Alberta, who twisted her mouth so unpleasantly in talking and had a great reputation for unselfishness because she was always giving up a lot of things she didn’t want. Valancy let them off easily in her judgment³¹ because she liked them, even if they were in Milton’s expressive³² phrase, “stupidly good.” But she wondered for what inscrutable reason Aunt Alberta had seen fit to tie a black velvet³³ ribbon around each of her chubby³⁴ arms above the elbow.

Then she looked across the table at Olive. Olive, who had been held up to her as a paragon³⁵ of beauty, behaviour and success as long as she could remember. “Why can’t you hold yourself like Olive, Doss? Why can’t you stand correctly like Olive, Doss? Why can’t you speak prettily³⁶ like Olive, Doss? Why can’t you make an effort, Doss?”

Valancy’s elfin eyes lost their mocking glitter and became pensive³⁷ and sorrowful. You could not ignore or disdain³⁸ Olive. It was quite impossible to deny that she was beautiful and effective and sometimes she was a little intelligent. Her mouth might be a trifle heavy—she might show her fine, white, regular teeth rather too lavishly³⁹ when she smiled. But when all was said and done, Olive justified⁴⁰ Uncle Benjamin’s summing up—“a stunning⁴¹ girl.” Yes, Valancy agreed in her heart, Olive was stunning.

Rich, golden-brown hair, elaborately dressed, with a sparkling bandeau holding its glossy⁴² puffs⁴³ in place; large, brilliant blue eyes and thick silken lashes⁴⁴; face of rose and bare neck of snow, rising above her gown; great pearl bubbles in her ears; the blue-white diamond flame on her long, smooth, waxen finger with its rosy⁴⁵, pointed⁴⁶ nail. Arms of marble, gleaming through green chiffon and shadow lace. Valancy felt suddenly thankful that her own scrawny arms were decently swathed in brown silk. Then she resumed her tabulation⁴⁷ of Olive’s charms.

Tall. Queenly. Confident. Everything that Valancy was not. Dimples, too, in cheeks and chin. “A woman with dimples always gets her own way,” thought Valancy, in a recurring⁴⁸ spasm⁴⁹ of bitterness at the fate which had denied her even one dimple.

Olive was only a year younger than Valancy, though a stranger would have thought that there was at least ten years between them. But nobody ever dreaded⁵⁰ old maidenhood⁵¹ for her. Olive had been surrounded by a crowd of eager beaus since her early teens, just as her mirror was always surrounded by a fringe of cards, photographs, programmes and invitations. At eighteen, when she had graduated from Havergal College, Olive had been engaged to Will Desmond, lawyer in embryo⁵². Will Desmond had died and Olive had mourned for him properly for two years. When she was twenty-three she had a hectic⁵³ affair with Donald Jackson. But Aunt and Uncle Wellington disapproved⁵⁴ of that and in the end Olive dutifully gave him up. Nobody in the Stirling clan—whatever outsiders might say—hinted that she did so because Donald himself was cooling off. However that might be, Olive’s third venture met with everybody’s approval. Cecil Price was clever and handsome and “one of the Port Lawrence Prices.” Olive had been engaged to him for three years. He had just graduated in civil engineering and they were to be married as soon as he landed a contract. Olive’s hope chest was full to overflowing⁵⁵ with exquisite⁵⁶ things and Olive had already confided⁵⁷ to Valancy what her wedding-dress was to be. Ivory silk draped with lace, white satin court train, lined with pale green georgette, heirloom veil of Brussels lace. Valancy knew also—though Olive had not told her—that the bridesmaids were selected and that she was not among them.

Valancy had, after a fashion, always been Olive’s confidante—perhaps because she was the only girl in the connection who could not bore Olive with return confidences. Olive always told Valancy all the details of her love affairs, from the days when the little boys in school used to “persecute⁵⁸” her with love letters. Valancy could not comfort herself by thinking these affairs mythical⁵⁹. Olive really had them. Many men had gone mad over her besides the three fortunate ones.

“I don’t know what the poor idiots see in me, that drives them to make such double idiots of themselves,” Olive was wont⁶⁰ to say. Valancy would have liked to say, “I don’t either,” but truth and diplomacy⁶¹ both restrained her. She did know, perfectly⁶² well. Olive Stirling was one of the girls about whom men do go mad just as indubitably as she, Valancy, was one of the girls at whom no man ever looked twice.

“And yet,” thought Valancy, summing her up with a new and merciless conclusiveness⁶³, “she’s like a dewless morning. There’s something lacking.”